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For decades, Americans have been listening to the debate between conservatives and liberals about the role of government. Conservatives say the government is too big; liberals say the government needs to do more. Americans have thoughtfully weighed the evidence and reached a conclusion: They’re both right.

That’s the implication of a recent survey by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press. On the one hand, citizens regard the government as a burden and a menace. Large majorities agree that it’s wasteful, overly expensive, intrusive and not to be trusted.

On the other hand, they want it to do even more than it does now. Nearly three out of every four of those surveyed say the government should assure that everyone has adequate food, clothing and shelter. They think it should provide for the elderly and conserve natural resources. They also want it to do more to guarantee that everyone can get affordable health care and a college education.

You wonder how it happened that for 30 years, the people demanded a balanced budget and yet the politicians didn’t deliver? Wonder no more. The American people apparently like not only the low taxes favored by Republicans but the generous spending pushed by Democrats. They want the government to provide for all their needs without asking much in return. The public thinks life is a Miller Lite commercial.

Slate magazine editor Michael Kinsley, formerly the host of CNN’s “Crossfire,” takes a dim view of the notion that elected officials have somehow prevented the people from getting the policies they want. “At bottom, the citizens as individuals are to blame for American democracy’s current discontents,” he wrote in his 1995 book, “Big Babies.” “They make flagrantly incompatible demands–cut my taxes, preserve my benefits, balance the budget–then explode in self-righteous outrage when the politicians fail to deliver. . . . They are, in short, big babies.”

I think this is terribly unfair and inaccurate. The American people, taken as a group, are not babies. They are spoiled teenagers.

The predominant characteristic of adolescents is that they want all their whims satisfied without any reciprocal demands being placed on them. They cherish the right to make their own choices–and they expect Mom and Dad to clean up the mess when those choices don’t work out. They want the keys to the car but not a bill for the insurance. Author Anthony Wolf captured the syndrome in the title of his guide to raising teenagers: “Get Out of My Life, But First Would You Take Me and Cheryl to the Mall?”

You can’t blame teenagers for wanting the best of both worlds–the freedom that goes with being an adult and the security afforded to children. But when voters adamantly insist on their right to this cozy deal, they are suffering from a severe case of arrested development. A low-taxing government that leaves its citizens free of arbitrary controls while administering hugely expensive programs to protect them against any unpleasant contingency–well, that’s like asking for dry water.

If the government is going to take responsibility for attending to the needs of every citizen, it is going to need money, and lots of it. That means high taxes, as well as endless opportunities for the government to operate inefficiently and wastefully.

It also means rules, restrictions and commands. (You want a tattoo? Not while you’re living in my house, sonny.) If you’re going to be guaranteed access to affordable health care, the people who provide health care will have to be ordered around at every turn to assure that you get it whether they want to provide it or not.

And they’re not the only ones. Suppose you’d like to ride a motorcycle without a helmet. In a lot of places, you can’t, because if you get in a wreck, it’s the government and your fellow taxpayers who will probably end up footing the bill for your medical care. The same excuse is used to justify ever-rising taxes on tobacco and alcohol, which are supposed to discourage people from disfavored exercises of their liberty.

Every time we insist that the government assume the duty of protecting us from life’s many vagaries, the government is bound to insist in return that we stop doing things that coud make its task harder or more complicated. They don’t call it paternalistic government for nothing–you get taken care of, but Daddy tells you what to do, or else. If you want freedom for yourself and your fellow citizens, you have to be prepared to accept life outside the cocoon of government guarantees. Sorry, but you have to grow up.

Americans used to understand that freedom and self-reliance are two sides of the same coin and that dependence means forfeiting control. Now, they hear such bromides and wail: That’s, like, so unfair.