When “The Man in the Iron Mask” (PG-13) hit town, the biggest Leonardo DiCaprio fan on staff, our art director Tonya, begged to review it. She`d love Leo in any role, she gushed. (Really, it was embarrassing.) Not exactly an unbiased viewer… but then, neither are our Leo-lovin` readers. So we sent her – and she came back pouting. Leo, she has a few things to say to you:
Oh, Leo! How could you do this to me?! Your record of flawless film acting is now scarred! What would possess such a genius to do such a poor movie?
This may seem harsh, but come on! This movie bordered on BOR-ING! I can`t blame you fully, however. You may have been blinded by the cast of such greats as John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons, Gerard Depardieu and Gabriel Byrne. But Leo, your first clue that this wasn`t a great movie, your first flashing warning sign, should have been, drum roll please… THE SCRIPT! What a total yawner! And how about that mask? I know if I wore an iron mask for six entire years, I`d be covered in pimples! It would have been gross! But you, dear Leo, had only grown out your hair. You are pretty magical, but not that magical!
As the poor Phillipe, you almost stole my heart. Almost. But as King Louis, you were cold, heartless and, might I say, sporting the doughy look.
Leo, let`s consider this a learning experience. In other words, I wouldn`t do too much bragging about this movie if I were you – and stay away from Leno and Letterman! No matter what they offer you! Keep it low key!
Sincerely, Tonya Weiland
