A recent study found that girls and guys often have different ways of mistreating their peers. The study, made public by the American Psychological Association, said guys who pick on other guys often resort to physical aggression (everything from wedgies to whacks). But girls are more likely to resort to what researchers call “relational aggression.” That means girls will mess with another girl’s head, maybe by excluding her from the group or badmouthing her.
KidNews talked to a girl who has been there. When Theresa (not her real name) was 11, she learned what it was like to be the victim of cruelty from other girls. Now 15, she tells writer Vicky Edwards about what that was like for her, and how much better things are for her now:
When I was in junior high, the “popular” girls used to make fun of me. I was in 6th grade and went to a big junior high school. I had a really bad overbite, and I was a toothpick, just superskinny. It was awful.
I was made fun of every day because of the way I looked. There were about seven girls who were the popular group, the group everyone wanted to belong to and be with, and they made my life miserable. They would call me things like “Buck-toothed Beaver” or “Bucky.” Everyone in the group would sneer at me as I walked by, and they would turn their noses up at me.
They had other ways of putting me down. Sometimes they would just ignore me totally, even if I was standing right there. I would say something to them, like, “Hi, how are you?” and a lot of times they would just walk away, or they would just give me this “fine,” with a real flat voice, and then walk away.
Everyone kept trying to be in the group anyway, because they were “cool.” They had the music, the hair, the clothes, the parents, the boys. I know it sounds stupid now, but even though they were mean, everyone still wanted to be in their group.
And anyone who got into the group ended up being just like them, no matter how hard they tried not to be. Someone would get in and think they could still be nice to other people, but pretty soon, they’d treat you just like the other girls in the group did.
When I think about why they did that now, I’d say they needed a confidence boost. Somehow, it made them feel good to think they were better than everyone else. If they’d really had confidence, they wouldn’t have needed to put me down to feel OK about themselves.
Today I’m a sophomore in high school, and those same girls are here. They’re still with their group, and they’re still just the way they used to be, but there are so many more people in the high school that you just don’t care. You have your own friends, who aren’t petty and cruel and mean.
Now I’m a cheerleader, but none of those girls is. And no one on the cheerleading squad is snobby or bad to other people. I really just stay away from people like that – I don’t feel the need to impress them when I have my own friends.
Sometimes now I feel like snubbing them back because of the way they treated me, but then I realize it’s just a waste of time and that there are a lot better things I can be doing.
Now if someone snubs me, I don’t even care. I just think they’re dumb, and it doesn’t bother me. It’s not something that matters anymore.
PERSON TO PERSON
We’re sure you have life experiences that stick with you – either because they were wonderful or terrible, maddening or magical, embarrassing or inspiring. Want to share? If you’re willing to talk, we might have a reporter call you for your story. And don’t worry, we’ll run a pseudonym instead of your real name, and we won’t tell where you live – so your friends (or foes) can’t ID you and give you a hard time.
Here are some ideas to get you thinking. Have you ever been: ripped off, ticked off, stood up, put down or jerked around? Have you ever done anything you feel guilty about or anything you would do differently if you got a second chance? Go ahead, vent – you talk, we’ll listen. Plus, we’ll hunt down experts for tips on how to handle such situations. Call 312-222-4217 anytime, or write to That’s Life/KidNews, 5th Floor/Chicago, IL 60611. Or you can e-mail us at kidnews@aol.com. Please include your first name and phone number, including area code. Can’t wait to hear from you!
