Beatitudes for mothers, 1998:
Blessed are the mothers who can function on four hours of sleep, for they will have to do it anyway.
Blessed are they who can read the same bedtime story a hundred times without going to sleep before their toddler does, for they have mastered an essential parental skill.
Blessed are the mothers who can plan their pregnancy for an appropriate time in their life, for they will be happier and better able to appreciate the miracle.
Blessed are the moms who have an employer who understands the need to take time off to see a child be a mushroom in a class play or rescue a vomiting youngster from school or cope because a blizzard closes the day-care center, for they shall make it through another day.
Blessed are the mothers who give their children a good father, for a great dad is irreplaceable and beyond price.
Blessed are the moms who have great upper body strength, for they will have to lift a toddler, a backpack, a diaper bag, a stroller and a Pooh Bear up the steps of the bus.
Blessed are they who can say “no” and make it stick, for they shall not learn first hand the procreative powers of a pair of white mice or have to worry about whether the turtle is still alive.
Blessed are the mothers who share parenting with a good husband, for their pleasures in their children will be doubled and their work and worries will be halved.
Blessed are they who listen to their children, for they stand a better chance of being heard.
Blessed are the mothers who can rely on a wonderful baby sitter and a backup sitter and a backup-backup, for they shall have some peace of mind.
Blessed are they who take their children with them often, for they shall see the world with fresh and excited eyes and will always be young in heart.
Blessed are the mothers who are tuned in to their young child’s hunger for learning, for they will help his brain to develop more effectively than any teacher he will have later on.
Blessed are the moms who are not advised out of toilet training their 2-year-old, for they shall save money and aggravation.
Blessed are they who can drive safely while coping with a fidgety, fussy toddler in a car seat in the back, for they are geniuses.
Blessed are the mothers who hunger and thirst after reading and learning, for their children will do likewise.
Blessed are they who spend adequate time with their kids during infancy and childhood, for they shall be spared many problems of adolescence.
Blessed are the mothers who are proficient at computers, for they shall not be considered obsolete by their kids.
Blessed are the mothers and fathers who spend time together occasionally without their kids, for they shall be able to complete their sentences and talk at an adult level.
Blessed are the moms who enjoy soccer, for they will have to go to a zillion games anyway.
Blessed are the mothers who are comfortable talking to their children about sex, Santa, drugs, race, God, death, Paula Jones, smoking, drinking, X-rated movies and guns, for their offspring will be better protected in a hazardous world.
Blessed are the mothers who can develop selective hearing, for their kids’ music will not make them crazy.
Blessed are they who don’t try to play computer games with their kids, for they will not be defeated.
Blessed are the mothers who find successful outlets for their energies and talents besides parenting, for they will not need to use their children as status symbols or as justifications.
Blessed are the mothers who don’t pretend to be perfect, for their kids will not be disillusioned.
Blessed are they who teach their children the relationship between effort and money, for they shall not have to support their grandchildren.
Blessed are the mothers who don’t pretend to know all the answers, for they will not have to back down.
Blessed are the moms with an e-mail address, for their kids will consider them cool and keep in closer touch when they go away to college.
Blessed are they who can distinguish between a routine flu and a get-to-the-doctor-quick illness, for they will have the gratitude of their pediatrician.
Blessed are the moms who still have a loving relationship with their own mother, for they shall have another source of caring support.
Blessed are the mothers who can laugh at themselves, for their kids will laugh with them and not at them.
Blessed are the mothers who can take time to appreciate having children, for there is no greater miracle than creating and nourishing a new life.
Blessed are they who raise their children well, for they shall eventually be called “Grandma.”
