It’s pretty barren inside The Copa, a large new club just south of Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg. The place reaches for elegance (it even has a dress code) in its decor of rich dark woods and reds. But the emptiness during our visit belies the sophistication.
At the bar, a couple of guys are hanging out after work, gnawing on blue cheese dipped wings. They’re in suits, their ties loosened, a couple of beers perspiring in front of them.
At a nearby table, a woman smokes a cigar and makes a face. Her friend looks over at the guys at the bar. She sighs.
“I really don’t get it,” says the cigar smoker. “I mean, I’m getting nauseous.”
“You should be getting high,” says the bored pal. She pulls atube of lipstick from her handbag and, without benefit of a mirror, expertly traces her lips. Then she pats them lightly with the tip of her finger, smearing away any perceived excess.
“High from a cigar?”
“Yeah from a cigar. Why do you think the natives smoke? To get cancer?”
“What natives?” asks the smoker.
At the bar, the conversation’s equally titillating.
“Why do you think they call ’em buffalo wings, huh? Buffalos don’t have wings,” says the guy with the wedding ring. He’s fit and trim and a little drunk.
“It’s like with the Easter bunny,” says his pal, who’s ringless and a tad paunchy.
The married guy laughs, dropping the hot wing on his pants. “God—- it,” he says, grabbing a handful of napkins to wipe down his cream colored trousers.
“That’s what you get for doubting why they’re called buffalo wings,” says the single guy.
The married guy bunches the napkins, which are instantly disappeared by the bartender, and re-arranges himself on the bar stool. “What the hell were you saying about the Easter bunny?”
“You know, the Easter bunny, eggs. Rabbits don’t lay eggs.”
“OK,” the married guy says, grabbing another wing and grinning at his buddy.
“So buffalo wings — I guess if you look at buffaloes at a certain angle, you could imagine they had wings.”
“Yeah, like at what angle?”
“I don’t know, man, you’re some Indian in the bush waiting to kill a buffalo — who knows what you see from down there?”
In the background, Phil Collins is singing. The two women have vanished, replaced by a couple who look around the empty bar a little embarrassed.
“You sure you want to stay?” the man asks, but they’re committed: he’s already pulling out her chair at the table and she’s dropping her purse on another chair, settling in.
“Yeah, why not? We’re here,” she says. “Let’s order a martini.”
“I want a cigar,” he says as he pops open the menu.
“Really?”
“It is a cigar bar,” he says.
“No it’s not.”
“Well, they have cigars: look.” He points at the long list of stogies offered by The Copa.
“But they smell so awful. You’ll smell so awful.”
The man grins. “Hmm. . . ” He scans the menu, wiggles his eyebrow suggestively. “What do I get if I don’t order a cigar?”
Back at the bar, the two guys are paying their bill.
“Good wings,” says the married one.
“Definitely,” says his bud. “Gotta come for more of those.”
“Yeah, what else?” says the married guy, scanning the room.
“Nah, hey, I’ve been here when it’s crowded.”
“When’s that?”
“Disco night, I think.”
That would be Thursdays. Mondays there are martini specials. Tuesdays feature live jazz bands and draw an early, singles crowd of professionals. Wednesdays, women get in free. Fridays and Saturdays are open to whatever happens.
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Feeling a little like the ’60s? Wanna get trippy without trying? Consider Tie Dye Nite at Martyr’s. It’ll be one big splash of psychedelia, although musically it’s gonna be a whole other thing: Chicago-based Rico!, a Latin pop band big on Santana and Malo-like riffs. That’s Friday night.
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Classic Second City bits from as far back as 1959 are on the bill for Tuesday night’s “An Evening of Classic Cabaret.” Produced by former Second City dweller Jimmy Doyle, last seen in “Mr. Nanny,” and John “Sinatra” Connors, the show will also feature performances by Rose Abdoo, John Hildreth, Tracy Thorpe, and the Sweat Girls. NPR’s Ira Glass will host.
All proceeds go to A Children’s Place, which specializes in residential care and medical treatment for AIDS-affected children.
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the facts
Friday, 4:30 p.m. to 3 a.m., Saturday, 7 p.m. to 3 a.m., Monday through Thursday, 4:30 p.m. to 1 a.m.: The Copa, 601 Mall Dr., Schaumburg. Call 847-969-1602 for information. The Copa is wheelchair-accessible.
Friday: Rico!, Martyrs, 3855 N. Lincoln. Call 773-404-9494.
Tuesday, 8 p.m.: An Evening of Classic Cabaret, Second City e.t.c., 1608 N. Wells. $20. Call 773-826-1230 for more information.
