In the 1950s, it was a cultural icon: the kaffeeklatsch, where suburban women gathered at kitchen tables to talk about their kids, their problems and their day-to-day lives.
Times have changed. Those mothers are now more than 60 years old, and those children are grown.
What hasn’t changed, however, is their need to communicate life’s challenges with other people who understand. The kaffeeklatsch may be gone, but Elmhurst is about to launch a program that reinvents the concept by giving women 60 and older the chance to get together to discuss the issues they face that are unique to this stage of life.
“Support is really important,” said Mimi Williams, a social worker with Metropolitan Family Services of DuPage, which is leading the group. “Women at this age may have medical problems like arthritis, or problems moving around, or they may have lost a spouse or friends. Having someone to talk to makes a significant difference in terms of health and in survival rate.”
The program is called FITNESS (Facing It Together Now: Easing Senior Stress), and it is being sponsored by the city of Elmhurst for women who are residents or former residents. The city donates meeting space at City Hall every Monday afternoon (starting June 29) and has awarded a grant to pay for the many services provided by Metropolitan Family Services, which is a private, non-profit agency that works with youth, family and senior citizens.
Each program will start with a minute of relaxation breathing, a skill Williams hopes women will take away with them to cope with everyday stresses. Then a discussion will be led by one or more women with experience in some of the difficulties of aging. These leaders are all women who have been through a Metropolitan Family Services support program called 60 Plus, have found new coping techniques and now want to share them with others.
“I’ve been doing 60 Plus for 10 years.” Williams said. “It’s led by a social worker with a limit of eight women, and we would set specific self-development goals. People would come, stay a few weeks or years, whatever was needed to feel a whole lot better, and move on. We felt the need for another kind of group that maybe wasn’t as intensive, for women who may not necessarily want to work on a self-development goal, may not need the presence of a counselor, but need the support of a group.”
All of the seven leaders Williams recruited and trained have attended 60 Plus, like Dorothy Bryson of Wheaton.
“We know how it feels to have said things about our lives and to have talked about our emotions,” Bryson said. “We have received non-judgmental listening and support, and we know what they’re going through. People come to these programs for different reasons. Maybe there’s emptiness, illness, depression or a lack of purpose. It forms a special bond among the people in the group when you know what they’re talking about or they know what you’re talking about and they can empathize and sympathize with you.”
Bryson said she went to 60 Plus last year because of depression. “It’s a medical condition, but some of those (aging) issues can contribute to depression, like empty nest or feeling a lack of purpose,” Bryson explained. “It can be that something very traumatic happens, like losing your husband or having to move. For a lot of older people, it’s because of illness or not being able to do what you used to do. But for me, it was just the progression of things, not having a lot of structure in my life, so I’ve been working on that.”
Williams said she chose leaders who are “really bright and who had obviously benefited greatly from a support group, so are natural cheerleaders for support groups.” One group leader will be in charge of each weekly discussion, though the other leaders will often be present. After 90 minutes of discussion, including a final 5-minute relaxation exercise, there will be an optional half-hour for women to stay and chat informally.
“People will have a certain amount of time to talk in the group, but if that’s not enough time, they can finish up in the extra half-hour,” Bryson said. “Some people feel too shy to say something in front of a group, or it’s too personal, so there will be time left for people to finish, to come away with a sense of closure.”
Williams noted that although this session is sponsored by the city of Elmhurst for residents or former residents only, she hopes other municipalities will support similar programs.
“For a lot of seniors, finances are a stress,” she said. “We think the program should be free, and that’s why there should be a grant from the municipality. What we’d like to do is offer it to other municipalities; if they wanted to provide the space and the money for the counselor to train leaders, we’d be really happy to replicate this in other communities.”
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Although attendance at FITNESS sessions is on a drop-in basis, one-time phone registration is required. Phone Mimi Williams at 630-833-1353 during business hours.
