Let’s face it. Being married is hard work. Staying married is even harder.
But being married for 50 years? Yow! Now that deserves a celebration to good health and happiness.
And increasingly, wedding and party planners note, when it comes to their parents, Baby Boomer offspring are happy to oblige.
“I think there are two reasons,” said Michael Nolte, owner of Nolte’s Bridal Salon in Overland Park, Kan. “For one, I think there is better health care now, and as a result the honorees physically feel more like having a party. And two, I think people are turning more to their families as a source of happiness. As a result, they’re making the events in a family’s life a celebration.”
Especially after half a century of marriage.
You know you should do something.
But what?
Is a simple reception with friends and family enough, or should you send them on a cruise? What about a catered party with a band and an elaborate spread of food? How much money should you spend? How many people should you invite? And what if they insist they want nothing at all?
Beth Carver-Swain of Lenexa, Kan., has some advice on that last point.
Don’t listen.
Her parents said they didn’t want a formal celebration. So she didn’t give them one.
She realized later that was a mistake.
“My mom was a little sad about not having a formal celebration,” Carver-Swain said. “She didn’t say anything. But she kept mentioning that they were going to another 50th celebration, and another 50th and I think I got the message.”
So on their parents’ 52nd wedding anniversary, Carver-Swain and her brother, Dale, organized a surprise open house featuring about 40 friends and neighbors.
“They walked in and it was decorated for their 50th,” she said. “They were very happy, very excited. The hit of the party was a cake with a computerized honeymoon picture of them on the top that I got from a bakery. It was a picture of them on their honeymoon at a resort in Ohio. They enlarged the picture of their faces, and you could tell they were truly in love with each other. They were embracing and smiling. It was great.”
They also showed a video of memories, using images of special pictures set to music.
“They were overwhelmed,” Carver-Swain said. “But it did a lot for me, too.”
Those who have planned 50th wedding anniversaries offer plenty of advice.
– Start early–a year is not too far in advance, especially if you’re booking a place to celebrate.
– Have meetings with other siblings to decide what should be done, how much should be spent, who will do the work and how to split the cost.
– Pattern the observance after the couple’s personality. Are they extravagant and fun-loving? A larger celebration is fine. More conservative and quiet? Use restraint.
Pat Edwards of Kansas City, Mo., is getting good at putting on 50th wedding anniversaries. She has done two of them in the last year–one for her parents, T.K. and Diana Leake, and one for her in-laws, Harold and Bonnie Edwards, just last month.
“Since Bonnie and Harold didn’t get a chance for a wedding reception, we wanted them to toast each other and to cut the cake and feed each other,” she said.
She also knew her in-laws had a favorite song–Anne Murray’s “Could I Have This Dance.” So she had their granddaughter, Meg, sing it for them.
Family members also collaborated to write the couple a poem, and friends provided meaningful memorabilia, including a blue necklace and earrings that Bonnie Edwards borrowed for her wedding day. A friend with a photography program on her computer even agreed to help make special thank you cards, complete with individualized pictures taken at the party of the couple and guests that read “thank you for celebrating with us.”
As far as paying for the celebrations?
Use common sense, Edwards said. Since she did the planning for the celebration, her brother (who makes more money than she does) paid for a larger share of their parents’ celebration.
Remember, Nolte said, celebrations don’t have to be costly or complicated. You can have a back-yard barbecue if you want, Nolte said, and still have special touches.
“One of the nicest gift themes I have seen is when the children send out a separate mailing requesting the guests write a letter recalling a specific memory they shared with the couple,” he said. “Those memories are then compiled into a decorative scrapbook and given to the couple. And on the page the memory was written, there would be a photograph taken of every guest at the party, and then that photo would be added to their page. It’s a lot of trouble, but it’s very well-received.”
