Do you have a co-worker who is always late with assignments? A friend who thinks she knows everything? Difficult people can set our hearts pounding unless we learn how to deal with them, according to Highland Park psychologist Fran Weinstock.In a recent conference at Highland Park Hospital sponsored by Tele-Help, an information and referral service based in Glencoe, Weinstock discussed the characteristics of five types of difficult people and strategies for how to handle them.
– Angry people use either confrontation (arguments, tantrums) or passive aggression (sarcasm, sabotage) to demand attention. They tend to be intolerant and opinionated. Instead of antagonizing these people, kill them with kindness. “It’s hard for them to fight with you when you’re not fighting back,” Weinstock said.
– Know-it-alls don’t like to listen to other people’s ideas. They have an answer for everything and a low tolerance for correction or contradiction. At their core, they’re really insecure. Don’t confront these people directly. “Use hypotheticals to describe your point of view,” Weinstock said. “If they think you won’t challenge or intimidate them, maybe they’ll work with you.”
– Depressed people carry the burdens of the world on their shoulders. Though they may not be clinically depressed, they feel overwhelmed by life and don’t know how to change it, so they complain about it instead. “Don’t agree or disagree with them, just listen,” Weinstock counseled. “Use humor to exaggerate a situation they’ve already exaggerated. Perhaps they’ll see the absurdity in it.”
– I-don’t-think-so people see their cup as half full but evaporating quickly. They can be thoughtful and capable but also are perfectionists who anticipate failure. Weinstock suggests using reverse psychology: “Point out the negatives of a situation first, then try and get them to focus on solutions.”
– Tomorrow people are procrastinators who refuse to make decisions. In their effort to please, they never say “no” to anyone. That often leads to broken promises. “These people need deadlines,” Weinstock said, “and they need to know the consequences if the deadlines aren’t met.”
