Sitting in a circle with their young children in their laps, the mothers sang and played hand games with them. Not a very remarkable picture until you learn that a year ago these women didn’t know how to interact with their children at all.
“They could be in the same room, and you wouldn’t know which child belonged to which mother,” said Denise Jaffe, program director at the Center for Enriched Living in Deerfield.
They have the same worries, challenges and need for new skills as any other parents of young children. But they are parents with additional challenges. They are developmentally disabled. Most are single mothers; many have been abused by the fathers of their children; most are isolated from their families, who are at best critical of them.
“These women absolutely love their children, but they get overwhelmed and have no idea how to cope when things get difficult, and they are difficult often,” Jaffe said.
The center and the Jewish Children’s Bureau of Chicago initiated the parenting program in February 1997. Unique in the Chicago area, according to Jaffe, there are few such programs anywhere in the country. Other agencies for the developmentally disabled focus on vocational training and self-help, while this program teaches parenting.
Jaffe and Diane Gould, childhood-disabilities specialist for the bureau, had met professionally many times, and both saw a need. The center is a not-for-profit agency that has social and recreational programs for developmentally disabled people from preschool to seniors, and the bureau is a child-welfare agency. Combining the resources and expertise of each, Jaffe and Gould were able to develop a program that provides support, teaches parenting skills (from nutrition to stress management to first aid) and instills self-esteem in the parent.
“We must help them become the best parent they can be,” Gould said.
The clients, referred by social service agencies such as the Countryside Association for the Handicapped in Palatine, have a mild learning disability or developmental disability (mental retardation). They are capable of raising children but need a great deal of guidance and teaching. Five women and five children attend a Thursday evening session on Chicago’s North Side, and five mothers, one father and six children are enrolled in the Tuesday morning class in Deerfield. They range in age from early 20s to early 30s, their children infants to 6-year-olds.
The only man, also developmentally disabled, is in a committed relationship with the mother, and he comes to class with her as his work schedule permits. As the program grows, Jaffe said, officials hope to have a separate class for couples or for men only.
On a recent Tuesday morning, in one room the toddlers were guided by aides through play with toys to develop their skills, while the mothers met in another to listen to a talk on first aid by a nurse. Each had been given a first-aid kit, and they were carefully instructed in its use. They had to be taught to wash their hands before treating a cut, to wash the cut, what to apply and how long to leave the bandage on.
After the presentation, they sat around a table with two social workers, who have become their friends, to discuss whatever was on their minds. One mother complained that her grandmother was being overly critical and interfering. “I’d like to be able to talk to her like a regular person without her always telling me I’m fat,” she complained. “I don’t want her messing in my life anymore.”
While they bantered, another member of the class fried chicken for the lunch they would share with their children. After lunch, they were directed to activities such as singing and playing hand games with the children.
There is purpose and structure to the two-hour class. While the children are in supervised play, the social workers can analyze them psychologically and medically. Some of the children are disabled, some are not. If a problem is detected, they are referred to another agency for care.
Historically, the state Department of Children and Family Services has removed children from developmentally disabled people after a report of abuse or neglect, Gould said. As a contingency for keeping or regaining custody, the parents were ordered to take a parenting class. But ordinary parenting classes do not serve their needs. For example, Gould and Jaffe discovered that one parent who had been through a traditional class was putting her child in a child car seat as instructed but was not buckling the child in.
“We need to spell everything out,” Jaffe said, “and we cover a lot of basic safety issues. We teach them to identify what is ordinary crying and what is not, what is an emergency and what is not.”
Meals are an important component. Mothers are taught how to prepare food and what is appropriate for young children. “We need to teach them such basic things as feeding your child before you eat,” Jaffe said.
The parenting program, which operates at no cost to clients, is funded with grants from Insure One, the Avon Products Foundation Inc., Blowitz-Ridgeway Foundation and Michael Reese Hospital and Medical Center in Chicago. The cost to operate the program is about $3,000 per year per member as opposed to about $1,800 per person for most other programs at the center. The price is driven up by the number of staff people required, the cost of the meals and transportation in the center’s van, Jaffe said.
Lynne Albanese, executive director of the center, said, “Serving people with disabilities is always costly, but this program is especially important because we are not only providing for the developmentally disabled but for the children who might otherwise be lost. The program is slow growing, but it takes time to spread the word, and I’m thrilled by what they’ve accomplished so far.”
Alonza Walker is client and family support manager for the Countryside Association, which helps developmentally disabled people gain access to programs in the community. She has seen improvement in the lives of her two clients who are enrolled in the parenting class. “I see them being more patient with their children,” she explained. “I see less candy and more nutritious foods in their diet. I see them enjoying their children more.” One whose child had been removed by DCFS has regained custody based on her progress in parenting skills.
The parents, who asked not to be identified, praised the program. One said, “I love coming to see my friends every week. When things go bad at home, I can talk about it in the group.”
Another said, “I have learned a lot about taking care of my baby, and I knew from the group that leaving my boyfriend would be safer for my baby.”
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For information on the Center for Enriched Living or the parenting class, call the center’s outreach coordinator, Jim Finlay, at 847-948-7001.
