Nobody calls her Pollyanna, but when Joan Wicklas of Naperville considers it, her face crinkles into a smile. “There is something to be said for that outlook,” she says.
Wicklas has not always thought of the world in positive terms. In fact, after being widowed at age 35 with two small children, she struggled for years with feelings of despondency and bitterness.
“Everybody handles tragedy differently,” she says. “I ran away. . . . I built walls and shut a lot of people out.” Over time, however, she has endeavored to overcome obstacles and negative thoughts by surrounding herself with positive influences, and now she has created a support group called You Can Do It.
A listing in a Napervillel paper to recruit new members (there are now 40) reads: “The group encourages members to overcome fears, realize success and reap the rewards of their accomplishments.”
“Today, people are willing to look at their inner selves to see what motivates them and helps them grow,” Wicklas says. “The interesting thing is that they want to be connected to others with the same attitude.”
Since the first meeting in April, You Can Do It has drawn people from a wide variety of backgrounds and with goals ranging from starting a new business to nurturing current relationships into more meaningful ones. Twice-a-month meetings are informal — “mostly it’s hashing things out, thinking things out,” Wicklas says — but there are a handful of ground rules. For example, members are urged to offer advice only when it’s requested and to keep things positive. Most important, group conversations are confidential.
“I wanted to create a safe haven so people can depend on one another . . . to give people a feeling of comfort when expressing themselves,” Wicklas says.
Catherine Czajka-Verbic of Naperville admits that it took four weeks from the time she saw the advertisement to build up enough courage to call Wicklas about joining the group. “I was so nervous. (Taking the step) meant I’d run out of excuses not to succeed. . . . It meant admitting I was afraid that I might succeed.”
Czajka-Verbic, who battles a mild form of multiple sclerosis, left a lucrative administrative position last fall in the hopes of pursuing a lifelong desire to turn her love for animals into a career.
“Money was no longer a good enough reason to stay. I decided I had to be around animals before I burst,” she says. Her dream is to have a business of her own that will provide training for troubled dogs and their owners. Her goal is to keep dogs out of animal shelters and with their owners.
She found herself mired in worry, however, concerned about finances and the unpredictability of her disease.
“I had a limited view of what I could achieve. I was not moving forward in the way I knew I could,” she says. “I needed moral support. I needed people to say `You can do this.’ “
After just one meeting at You Can Do It, Czajka-Verbic says she not only gained the confidence to have business cards printed, she found a client within the group. “I’m not positive all the time,” she admits, “but I’m learning how to be positive even when I’m scared to death.”
Debbie Rakestraw, a sales training consultant living in Naperville, says she generally feels quite positive about her life but joined the group because “I’m looking toward the future. I want to explore some other things that I might do.”
Part of her motivation, she admits, was her 40th birthday. “I didn’t really plan out the first 40 years, but I’m going to plan the next 40. I have a lot I want to fit in, and I want to be in an environment where I’m around people who will help.” She views You Can Do It as providing the right atmosphere to challenge herself. “If I see someone succeeding outside their comfort zone, it will help me push myself outside my comfort zone,” she says.
One of the reasons Daniel DeWalt of Naperville felt drawn to the group is that he feels he has much to offer in the realm of positive thinking. Although he has endured an unhappy childhood, two years in Vietnam and feelings of insecurity, DeWalt says he has been able to control negative feelings in his life.
“In my late 20s and early 30s, I decided not to dwell on mistakes my parents made. I decided that it’s what I can do today that affects tomorrow,” he says. “Now I feel like I have something to give back to others.”
DeWalt–who describes himself as a writer, instructor, director, actor and producer–works often at Only a Stage, a performing arts school in Naperville, and says he encourages the same positive approach with the children in his care.
Although unfamiliar with the You Can Do It group, Paul Parks, executive director of the Samaritan Interfaith Counseling Center in Naperville, confirms that “a positive mental attitude can have a significant impact on one’s performance.” He does warn, however, that trying to maintain such an outlook is usually not sufficient when dealing with depression. It could serve to add to the distress if a depressed person thinks, “If I can only think the right things, I’ll be okay,” he pointed out.
Wicklas says she is unaware of any other support groups in the area that specifically advocate positive thinking, but what does the very existence of You Can Do It say about the presence of negativity in the world?
“Our society has fallen into a rut of negativism,” Czajka-Verbic says. “People have lost a sense of real purpose.” The bombardment of media messages could be partly to blame, she suggests. “There are negative images in news reports, movies, magazines and newspapers. . . . With satellites, we know negative things that are happening all over the world, and we can’t do anything about them.”
Still, she stresses, the point of positive thinking is not to pretend bad things don’t happen but to avoid becoming enveloped and immobilized by negative thoughts.
This theory was put to the test six years ago when Wicklas faced radical surgery for breast cancer. “I didn’t allow myself to be negative about it. It was caught in the early stages, so I figured the doctors could fix it, and they did. I just don’t remember getting down about it,” she says.
“If people think being positive is living with blinders on, they can criticize all they want,” Wicklas says. “I know why I have this attitude . . . and I want to share the joy of life I have.”
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For more information about You Can Do It, call Joan Wicklas at 630-548-0575 Meetings are from 6:30 to 8 p.m. the first and third Sundays of the month at Only a Stage, 200 E 5th Ave., Naperville.
