We recently heard from an attractive, hard-working, financially secure 35-year-old white male, 5 foot 11, 182 pounds. He’s a non-smoking pilot with an established career who enjoys the outdoors, dining out, traveling, new adventures, quiet times at home and the rewards of hard work. He’s a down-to-earth, sensible guy who still believes in honesty, values and morals. He’s looking for Ms. Right. She’s down-to-earth, slender, sweet-natured, mature but young-at-heart with an established career, above average qualities and a touch of class.
That’s the ad “Attractive, Hard-working” recently ran, and the response was underwhelming. Out of five responses, three were women in their forties, too old according to Attractive, Hard-Working, the fourth was “just plain weird” and the fifth had been married to a crack addict.
Why didn’t he get more responses. Here’s what you said . . .
Barbara: “For a 35-year-old man to say that women in their forties are too old is just too, too retro these days. Would he kick Cher out of his “quiet times at home”? Lots of great-looking, fascinating women are older than the men they date these days.”
Joan: “When he asks for a `special lady’ who is `down-to-earth,’ he means a low-maintenance, low-budget woman. When he says `sweet-natured,’ he means she won’t object to his weird habits. When he says `with established career,’ he means she has money of her own and won’t expect any of his. When he says `above average qualities and a touch of class,’ he means she has no weird habits of her own. And why on Earth should a woman be disqualified from his consideration for having previously been married to a crack addict? He’s not looking for Ms. Right, he’s looking for Ms. Impossible.”
Renee: “If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.”
Judy: “Any intelligent woman reading this ad would know that, if it were true, a guy this great would be happily married. And if he was single, he would have no trouble finding dates. Ads like these raise red flags. At least half is bull. Women are very good at reading between the lines.”
Debbie: “As decent as this guy says he is, he immediately eliminates many loving females by using the word slender. Whatever he’s learned about women is incomplete. Perhaps he should spend some time learning about himself.”
Mary: “There were several aspects about what kind of woman he was looking for that really irritated me. What does he mean by `established career?’? I am a 29-year-old librarian who is currently working towards a master’s degree in communication disorders. Eventually I will have to quit my job in order to participate in internships. Would this be unacceptable to him? Would he not be interested in a woman who is in career limbo? His `special lady’ is `slender.’ I am a size 14/16. Zaftig, maybe. Rubenesque, definitely. But, I am not a big, fat slob. A word like `slender’ gives me insight into the type of person who has placed the ad. Mr. Attractive needs to realize that he may very well be missing out on some wonderful women. He may never meet his `special lady’ because he cannot see her `above average qualities’ if he doesn’t look beyond the size of her butt.”
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Women how aggressive have you been in pursuing a man? What happened? Men, have women pursued you? What happened? Send your relationship tales and questions to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL. 60611 or e-mail CLavin@tribune.com. Please include day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column.
