“Entertaining is an art, but it should also be fun,” says Suzanne Williamson, author of “Entertaining for Dummies” (IDG Books, $19.99) and a woman who speaks from experience. The daughter of a foreign service diplomat, she has attended or given just about every kind of event imaginable all over the world. She was born in Beirut, lived in Europe and Africa, and now consults on entertaining from her home in Beaufort, S.C. She is also a spokeswoman for Rich’s, a chain of department stores on the East and West Coasts.
Her entertaining tome, which was released last year and has sold 50,000 copies, makes it clear that the art can be self-taught. All it takes is some common sense and confidence, spiked with a bit of creativity. For instance, Williamson maintains that “successful entertaining is not about going by anybody else’s rules; you have to do what feels right to you.”
But Williamson does have a few tricks of the trade. For instance, she recommends recruiting “someone to stir the sauce” and be a trusted designated helper when you’re having a hard evening, and advises inviting “your most scandalous acquaintances whenever possible” because they “make great guests.”
And when all else fails, she suggests we “never underestimate the value of faking it.”
Lisa Skolnik talked with Williamson about how to make any party or dinner manageable, elegant and memorable regardless of expertise, budget or anxiety level.
Lisa Skolnik: There are obvious reasons we entertain–it’s an activity that can further relationships and fulfill obligations. But you say it is one of the most important activities you can do for yourself and others. Why?
Suzanne Williamson: Entertaining can change your whole life and fulfill many needs, so you should use it as the tool that it is. For instance, it can bring you closer to people you want to get to know, enhance family ties, improve your career and inspire you to get your act together and clean your house. But one of the keys to this premise is to take chances and be adventurous about who you have over. If you need a lift in your life, invite someone who’s going to do that for you. In fact, you shouldn’t invite your best friends over all the time–you already know them. Instead, take a chance and have someone over who is exciting to you in some way and you want to get to know.
L.S.: Isn’t it awkward to invite someone over you hardly know?
S.W.: This isn’t Europe or Japan and you don’t have to be best friends to have someone over. We’re a far more informal society, and you can invite someone over even if you meet them just once. It’s exciting, challenging, fun and truly entertaining, and you may get a new friendship or interesting business relationship going.
L.S.: So you should pick your guests based on a quid pro quo?
S.W.: Not at all. But who you have is a critical issue if you want everyone to have a good time. Most people plan their parties backwards, starting with the food, the flowers, the table setting or some other minor detail. People are what’s most vital to the life of the party. There are always people you have to invite who are boring, or you’re not crazy about, but you have to create a balance with a good mix of personalities.
L.S.: So how do you get that mix?
S.W.: The old-fashioned way–sit down and make a written guest list. It gives you a chance to reason things out and be shrewd about it. Most of us invite guests for three reasons: They’re our closest friends and we have them to everything; it’s a payback; or we want something from them. There’s nothing wrong with the payback or trying to get on someone’s good side, but there’s so much more to making a guest list. Think about who really matters to you, who makes you happy, who’s fun to be around, who’s intriguing or outrageous, who do you want to know better, and so on. Then invite some of these types too so the party will be exciting. Feasting on each other’s personalities and energy is just as important as feasting on food. But don’t forget balance.
L.S.: Are there any guidelines for creating that balance?
S.W.: It’s pretty simple. You can’t invite 10 stars or 10 quiet types. In fact, you need more listeners than talkers, and you only need one Dennis Rodman or the other one will be insulted and they’ll cancel each other out. But if it’s a huge party, you can have more flamboyant types. A good rule of thumb is one star for every dozen or so guests.
L.S.: What about those other basics that most people start with, such as the ambience and food? They seem routine to you but are overwhelming to many of us. How do you handle these issues?
S.W.: Obviously, they’re basics you can’t ignore, but they aren’t as important as you think. Organization is probably the most important basic of all, so schedule out the event and how to get everything actually done by the time your guests walk in the door. Plan a party far enough in advance to allow yourself enough preparation time, then keep shopping and task lists and really follow them. As for food, no one expects a five-star meal at someone’s house, and people will be more impressed with how you treat them than what’s on the table or how your house looks. Actually, it’s a mistake to make fussy, pretentious food at all because then you have to concentrate on it instead of your guests. The most important caveat to remember is “the simpler the better.” And always play to your strengths.
L.S.: What do you mean by that?
S.W.: If you’re a food person, concentrate on that and have that be your strong point. If you’re into decor, do something special with it. Set a fabulous table, carry out a theme and concentrate on the ambience. If you can do both, that’s great but it doesn’t make or break the party.
L.S.: So what does that really mean for food?
S.W.: First of all, you don’t need 10 different dishes. Concentrate on just two or three great ones. And if you’re not a cook, don’t bother cooking. Figure out what you need to order and how to doctor it up to work for you. If you can cook, and you have a few specialties that are really good, make those. Even if you make the same exact thing every time you entertain, it doesn’t matter. You don’t need variety because no one really cares, and it’s one less thing to worry about. But there is one thing to go all out on–people love desserts, and will diet all week but splurge on dessert at a party. And what’s better than one dessert is two or three; it lends decadence and opulence to the event. If you can’t bake, get them from the best bakery you know. Really go all out here.
L.S.: What about ambience?
S.W.: The simplest fix for anything is candlelight. It causes every flaw–from dirt on the rugs to worn furniture–to disappear, and what appears are the sparkles in people’s eyes, even if they don’t have any. If you’re having a crowded cocktail party, candles can be dangerous so consider changing the bulbs in your lights to peach or pink, which cast a complimentary glow, or amber, which emulates candlelight. For daytime parties, you have to resort to other devices, such as great visuals or stimulating the sense of smell. But that can be pretty basic, such as setting an interesting table or having something cooking when guests arrive to fill the house with a mouth-watering aroma. It’s actually more important to establish ambience with your own warmth.
L.S.: What do you mean by that?
S.W.: From the moment they walk in your door, your most important objective is to make people feel comfortable and welcome, and the best way to do that is to lavish them with attention. That’s why you have to be organized and relaxed: You have to be able to greet everyone warmly so you can’t be in the kitchen preparing food. Get them something to drink right away and introduce people to each other. And don’t just leave them hanging–get a few guests engaged in conversations when you introduce them, then move on.
L.S.: How do you foster the same kind of interaction in a small party?
S.W.: One trick is to stick to seven, which is the best number for a dinner party, and seat them all at a round table, which puts everyone on equal footing because there is no head or foot. It’s the optimal number for three reasons: You can have one conversation, while with eight everyone tends to talk to their right or left; odd numbers are more interesting because it forces you to mix up the guests and not invite just couples; and it lets you show your heart. All of us know widowed, divorced or single people and you should invite them. They are the guests who will make your party unforgettable.
L.S.: But what if you don’t have a round table?
S.W.: I have a long rectangular one in my own dining room, which is a family heirloom. But I have a few tables that are 48 inches round stored in my garage, because that’s the ideal size. It seats seven perfectly, and also works well for sixes or eights. So you can skip the dining room and set a round table up in your living room, on a patio if it’s warm outside, or anywhere else you can fit it in.
L.S.: There are so many options. . . . How can the average person keep it all straight?
S.W.: It’s not as confusing as it seems once you get going. It’s much more difficult and time-consuming to read instructions than to actually follow them and accomplish something, so keep that in mind. When entertaining becomes a part of your life and you become adept at it, opportunities to do it occur naturally and all your plans come to mind almost subconsciously. In essence, it becomes second nature.
