DEAR MISS MANNERS: Fashion magazines are saying that tiaras are being worn now, and not just by Miss Pork Bellies and other reigning monarchs.
They even tell you where to buy them, whether you prefer antique ones with diamonds and pearls or glass versions from the hair salons. But they don’t tell you how and when to wear them. (You’ve probably guessed I’m not asking out of idle curiosity. I’ve seen something I can afford, but I don’t want to make a fool of myself, and I’m not even sure I have the right occasion.)
I’m not sure I believe the part about real people wearing tiaras in real life, because these are the same magazines that claim that “everyone” is wearing all kinds of things I’ve never seen on a living soul. But I sure know that if you do wear them there are rules you should follow, and it’s stupid to say you’re free to wear them any way you want. You’re free to wear your shoes on your hands, too, but only if you don’t mind looking like an idiot to people who know better.
Gentle Reader: Tiaras are worn atop the head. Most of the time.
Do not imagine, from that qualifying phrase, that Miss Manners is joining the ranks of the Oh-Go-Ahead-and-Do-Whatever-You-Feel-Like crowd, and would permit you to stick it in your ear were you so inclined.
On the contrary. It is because the rules are so strict that it became necessary to provide ways — not to defy them, but to duck under them.
Even the hereditary rich are not strong enough to keep their hands off those worn velvet boxes until they are married (because unmarried ladies do not wear tiaras) and invited to white tie dinners or balls (because tiaras are not worn with the less formal dresses for black tie dinners or dances). They have been known to mutter darkly, not to mention vulgarly, about the amount of money tied up in their tiaras and the need to get a return on the investment.
That is why expensive tiaras were designed to be split up, which is what Miss Manners meant when she said they sometimes are worn other than on the head. This part of the tiara may unscrew to make a brooch, those side pieces to make earrings, and the whole thing may be taken off its form to make it limp enough to be worn as a necklace or two bracelets.
Another concession is made to young ladies who cannot wait to be allowed to wear tiaras, and thus might be tempted to contract hasty marriages. Brides are permitted to wear them on their wedding days, up to as much as an hour before they are actually married, which gives them tiara-topped time to repent of any hastiness.
In that spirit of generosity, which should not be confused with leniency, Miss Manners will add that a decorative band worn around a chignon in the back of the head is not a tiara. Neither is a headband.
So if the occasion you have in mind is your wedding or a full dress ball, by all means get the tiara you like and perch it on top of your head. If not, the place where you saw it may have a hair ornament exactly like it to wear on New Year’s Eve.
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Address your etiquette questions to Miss Manners, c/o The Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
