You never liked playing the whole season anyway. And guess what? The National Basketball Association and your player peers–pardon us, you have no peers–your fellow players have arranged things so you won’t have to do it this year.
Sure, it took 191 days and cost you and the other players more than $500 million in salary and, yeah, well, the fans may be a little teed off. But that NBA lockout is history now. So get yourself back up here from the Bahamas. You have work to do. Yeah, it’s cold and, as you may have heard, there’s some snow on the ground. But believe us, the NBA needs you.
Don’t do this just for Chicago and the Bulls, although we would be eternally grateful for one last chance to admire your Airness on the basketball court and a seventh championship would ease our hurt. No, you have to do this for the entire 29-team NBA. Commissioner David Stern even said so.
Without you and your peerless play, a whole lot of fans might just wonder what’s the point of paying premium NBA prices to watch out-of-shape athletes play four and five games a week–sometimes on three consecutive nights–beginning Feb. 5 for a 50-game season? Won’t that be fun?
You know a lot of critics called this whole dispute an arrogant display of greed pitting short billionaires–who wanted to cap the percentage of revenues going to player salaries at 53 percent–against tall millionaires, who wanted 57 percent. At the very last minute, as you know, they compromised at 55 percent. Maybe if your union boss Billy Hunter had shut up New York Knick Patrick Ewing sooner–he of the famous charity game to benefit “needy” players–it wouldn’t have taken 191 days.
Wouldn’t it be hilarious now if, after all this sturm und drang, that $2 billion revenue pie you were all fighting over started shrinking because a lot of fans have lost their NBA habit and just don’t really care much anymore?
And speaking of money, Michael, you needn’t worry. Yes, veterans’ salaries will be capped at $14 million and rookies at $9 million. But there’s an exception in this new deal that would give you a 5 percent raise on your $33 million salary–pro-rated for the shortened season, of course. Phew! What a relief!
Your pal, Charles Barkley of the Houston Rockets, who on occasion puts his whole foot in his mouth, got it right this time. “Everybody lost.” Now just please hurry back, Michael. Make a liar out of Charles.
