Ah, the lure of the windmills. The scent of potted petunias. The feel of green indoor-outdoor carpeting beneath your feet.
It must be the time of the year for miniature golf. This much-maligned sport might not really be golf and it’s often not miniature (heck, it takes up a lot of acreage at some venues), but it’s the summer game of choice for many.
Vacationers, kids out of school for the season, retirees, teens on dates and folks with a little time on their hands all flock to the mini links in the suburbs.
Cheating: part of the fun
Now, before we take a Masters tour of some of the area’s finer courses, let’s get one thing out of the way.
Not too many people play miniature golf for keeps. No one seriously bets on the game. There is no handicap. You rarely see some sad sack hanging out at pro shops searching for the putter that will curve the ball through the Jolly Jack-o-Lantern.
The atmosphere is relaxed — so relaxed that cheating is not only ignored, it’s almost expected if kids are in the party. Although many miniature golf arcades have rules explaining penalties for hitting water hazards, going out of bounds, playing out of turn and losing the ball, these little inconveniences usually are remedied by the “mulligan” (also known as the “take-over”).
So let’s take a stroll through the lush greens, grinning chicken sculptures and crazily curved ramps. Ratings are scored in this range: 1 putter = minimum fun to 4 putters = maximum fun. Courses are listed alphabetically.
Congo River
It’s out of state, but it’s far superior to anything here. Besides, many Chicagoans travel up I-94 on vacations, and for them this place is hardly out of the way.
Waterfalls are the main attraction at Congo River, which sports a deepest-Africa theme. It seems as if golfers are on safari through the most remote part of the jungle replete with snakes, spears and the hats of explorers who’ve sunken in the quicksand.
My young golfing companion and I find the holes challenging without being intimidating. Best holes are those where you putt straight up what looks to be an impassable incline, the hole with four levels (a hole for each one) and the cave (often waterlogged but still fun for its cramped and creepy atmosphere).
Lines are often long here, even at non-peak hours. However, the staff is cool about it, offering alternative entertainment (arcade games or a free African board game).
Advice: Look for the scavenger-hunt items when playing. You can win freebies if you spot all the items on the course.
Rating: 4 putters
Stats: Admission is $4-$5 for children 12 and younger; $5.50-$7 for adults. Hours are 2-8 p.m. Monday through Thursday; 2 p.m.-midnight Friday; 10 a.m.-midnight Saturday; 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday.
Congo River is on Interstate 94, just south of the Kenosha exit in Kenosha, Wis. Call 414-857-7888.
Fun Time Square
Known mainly for its go-kart attraction, Fun Time Square in the southwest suburbs also boasts a modest miniature golf course. Not particularly outstanding, nor challenging, it’s still a good place for kids. There are plenty of arcade games here if the links action doesn’t grab you.
Rating: 1 putter
Stats: Admission is $2.50 for children 10 and younger; $3 for adults. Hours are 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday through Thursday; 10 a.m.-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday.
Fun Time Square is located at 11901 S. Cicero Ave. in Alsip. Call 708-388-3500.
Michael Jordan Golf Practice Center
The surrounding atmosphere of this country-club-themed playground in west suburbia is more interesting than the actual miniature golf course.
All the holes have a Chicago Bulls theme. Basketballs form hazards (instead of rocks), you can do a “lay-up” on a Bulls backboard that rests next to a hole, there are MJ trivia questions all along the way. … One nice touch is a map of each hole that describes where the little ball disappears to when it goes down various chutes. The map also tells puzzled golfers the best way to get an elusive hole-in-one.
This course is challenging — and the listed par is pretty ambitious. We like the backboard hole, putting through the Chicago Bull’s nose, and the shots that take you down several auxiliary holes. One hole, the 17th, is a rip-off, featuring a chute (leading to a possible hole-in-one) that rejects even manual attempts to direct a ball inside. There’s tough, then there’s unfair!
Advice: Don’t miss the veritable Air Museum inside the clubhouse. It’s a great shrine for Michael worshippers.
Rating: 3 putters
Stats: Admission is $6 for players 13 and older; $5 for children 5 to 12; free for under 4. Hours are 8 a.m.-11 p.m. every day.
Michael Jordan Golf Practice Center is at 4523 Michael Jordan Dr. (Liberty Street just west of Illinois 59) in Aurora. Call 630-851-0023.
Northbrook Park District Driving Range Mini Golf
Not memorable, this north suburban venue is the generic version of miniature golf courses. No castle drawbridges, no skyline replicas — just green carpet and lots of inclines. Kids seem to like it. I think the nearby driving range next door is a lot more interesting.
Rating: 1 putter
Stats: Admission is $2.50 for children; $3 for adults (50 cents more on weekends). Hours are 8 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday through Thursday; 7 a.m.-9 p.m. Friday and Saturday.
Northbrook Park District Driving Range Mini Golf is at 3535 Dundee Rd. in Northbrook. Call 847-291-2354.
Novelty Golf & Game Room
This is more like it. Two 18-hole courses make for double fun at this charming little golf haven in the near north suburbs. Never too crowded during the day, there’s plenty of charm here. Wonderful, wacky sculptures (two giant chickens, a John Hancock Center, a model camera, whirling windmills) make this feel like a true slice of Americana. The landscaping is great, too. The courses themselves are challenging — never boring. Course 1 is harder than Course 2, although both are worthwhile. We really enjoy the holes that involve crossing a castle drawbridge, hitting the right section of a whirling bull’s-eye and putting through a closing door.
Advice: Lots of kids come here. Ask to play through if they fiddle around too much.
Rating: 3.5 putters
Stats: Admission is $4-$7 (no discounts for children). Hours are 10 a.m.-11 p.m. Monday through Thursday; 10 a.m.-midnight Friday and Saturday.
Novelty Golf & Game Room is at 3650 W. Devon Ave. in Lincolnwood. Call 847-679-9434.
Par-King Skill Golf
Second only to Congo River, this north suburban course has a special place in the Pantheon of great mini golf attractions. A long-time meeting place for teens in search of a cheap, fun and legal date, Par-King has served generations of duffers.
Some holes are looking a little worse for wear, but Par-King still holds up in terms of interesting layouts and daunting putting challenges. Too hard for most kiddies, Par-King caters to the older, more wily crowd (the ones who can cheat more creatively than simply shouting “take-over!”).
Mount Rushmore is a clear favorite — and the ball never seems to get stuck inside the mock mountain. We adore the roller coaster. Putt onto a little elevator and the ball goes down a mini thrill ride to arrive near the hole. Another lift takes your ball up a mini Prudential Building (the tallest building in Chicago when Par-King was created.) Tin soldiers, fairy castles and alligators are all parts of the splendid fun. Hit a bull’s eye on the 18th hole and win a free game. It can be done.
Advice: An adjacent game arcade makes waiting in line bearable (which usually happens only on weekend nights).
Rating: 4
Stats: Admission is $5-$6 (no discount for children). Kids must be at least 48 inches tall to play. Hours are 10:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m. for adults and children every day. Evenings for teens and adults only are 7:30-10:30 p.m. Sunday through Thursday and until 11:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday.
Par-King Skill Golf is at 6711 Dempster St. in Morton Grove. Call 847-965-3333.
Skokie Sports Park
Traveler’s Quest Adventure Golf
This new park features batting cages, a driving range and two miniature golf courses: one for kiddies and one for adults and older kids. We sampled the big-kids’ course, which is laid out like a trek through the archeological and architectural wonders of the world.
Replete with waterfalls and multi-level holes, this course is challenging but lacks the funky charm of older courses. Maybe it will develop more personality over time. The scenic design is creative with Easter Island, Mayan temples, Greek ruins and the Eiffel tower dotting the landscape. The best holes, which can be quite difficult, are the African water hole (in which you must putt into a hippo’s mouth), the Japanese garden with lanterns offering sizable hazards, and the Great Wall of China (really two holes).
Benches are available for times when duffers need to wait for the next hole, and the refreshing spray from the waterfall can make waiting a real treat.
Rating: 4 putters
Stats: Admission is $6 for the adult course, $5 for the tot course. Hours are 8 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday through Thursday; 8 a.m.-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday.
Skokie Sports Park Traveler’s Quest Adventure Golf is at 3459 Oakton in Skokie. Call 847-674-1500.
Other notable mini golf courses are at Odyssey Fun World (two 18-hole courses) at 19111 S. Oak Park Ave., Tinley Park (708-429-3800); Brunswick Lakeside Entertainment Center, 1100 W. Lake St., Roselle (630-351-2100), and Milk Pail Restaurant & Entertainment Complex, 14 N. 630 Route 25, East Dundee (847-742-5040).
