The smile is back, although it’s slower to come and quicker to fade.
His words are measured and his mood tranquil, the very act of eating an afternoon meal done deliberately and drawn out by a lengthy silent prayer beforehand.
This is Alonzo Spellman’s rebirth–as a man, and as a football player finishing one of the best seasons of his career for the playoff-bound Dallas Cowboys
That part, he says, is almost irrelevant.
“Anybody who thinks football is the important thing in my life is really missing the point,” Spellman said. “Jesus is really the number one thing in my life and that’s the only reason everything else is OK. Jesus Christ is the only thing that makes me happy every morning and makes me happy every night. It really is.”
That he is functional again, much less a happy and productive pro football player, is the story. To delve into a past darker than he can even fathom, Spellman says, serves no real purpose. To ignore it, however, is to miss how far he has come.
The low point, the really low point, came last May.
That was a little more than a year after the eight-hour standoff with the SWAT team in March 1998, and the escape from the hospital the next day, when he was found wandering shirtless and shoeless in the cold.
This was after his withdrawal from Bears coaches and teammates and refusal to undergo arthroscopic shoulder surgery led to his release with two years remaining on a four-year $11.6 million contract.
It was after he was subdued by pepper spray following a confrontation with a hotel security guard. After he’d been stopped for erratic driving and charged with carrying a concealed weapon, driving without a license and possession of an open container of alcohol. After he’d been evicted from his home and found sleeping in his car in the express lane of an interstate highway.
Having drifted about for the better part of eight months, Spellman says he wondered how he could survive the depths he had reached when, after additional months of praying for an answer, God came into his life, washing him with tears that seemed endless and providing comfort and guidance ever since.
“He had to beat me down and really take everything away from me in order for me to listen to Him. And I listened,” Spellman said. “Whenever you have the Lord in your life and He’s the No. 1 focus of your life, everything else is so easy.”
Still it was not going to be easy convincing an NFL team that he was worth even the risk of a minimum salary. That, Spellman says, is where Deion Sanders came in, convincing Cowboys owner Jerry Jones that the player to whom he had reached out and offered spiritual guidance was not a gamble.
“Deion is the number one reason why I’m here,” Spellman said. “I thank Deion every day.”
Sanders called it an “automatic bond” between him and Spellman.
“It was something special that we’ve shared because both of us had struggled with the verge of suicide on our minds,” Sanders said. “I wanted to be there for him, and he’s been there for me too.”
Jones listened to his star cornerback, but he still had to be convinced. In light of the Cowboys’ turbulent recent history he had pledged to avoid any more potential troublemakers, passing on controversial wide receiver Randy Moss in the previous year’s draft.
Jones checked with the league to make sure Spellman did not face any penalties. He called former Bears coach Dave Wannstedt. He even got to know Spellman’s mother, Dorothy.
“I told Jerry, `Hey, he can definitely help you,”‘ Wannstedt said. “I’ve come to the point over the years that if a guy’s willing to work and do the right things, everybody deserves another opportunity.”
Finally Jones asked former Dallas star Calvin Hill, a consultant to the team’s player assistance and development program, to research bipolar disorder, a condition that causes extreme bouts of manic behavior and depression, and to develop a program that could aid Spellman’s treatment.
Then Jones made his decision. The Cowboys were the only NFL team to bid for Spellman, and the financial risk was relatively minor: a one-year contract for the veteran minimum $400,000.
“The potential upside dictated it,” Jones said at the time. “When we got everything answered we wanted answered, it didn’t take me 30 seconds to make up my mind.”
The diagnosis of bipolar disorder came shortly before Spellman’s signing. Recommended treatment includes medication, but Spellman disputes the diagnosis and says he does not take medication, claiming the Bible is the only salve he needs.
“Jesus Christ can do anything,” Spellman said. “He’s a physician, He’s a lawyer, He’s a doctor, He’s everything. He really is. If I hadn’t accepted Jesus back into my life before I came back into football, I would never have made it. I would never have made it through camp.”
Spellman lavishes praise on the Cowboys organization, on their “professionalism” and dedication to winning.
“The attitude around here doesn’t vary, it doesn’t change,” he said. “They have a confidence here unlike anywhere I’ve ever been, though I’ve only been to one other place.”
It is a rare moment of discord from Spellman, who is clearly bitter toward the Bears in general and Wannstedt in particular.
“I think everything would’ve went well, I think my transition would’ve gone well and everything would have been OK if [Mike] Ditka would have stayed the head coach,” he said, and refused to elaborate.
Still, Spellman, now 28, concedes that as a 20-year-old college junior coming into the pros as a first-round draft choice in 1992, he was ill-prepared for what he was about to face.
“I was extremely young, one of the youngest at that time to come into the league,” he said. “I came into a load of money, and then when my second contract came I came into a bigger load of money, and I just never had time to get levelheaded, I guess.
“The bottom line is everything happens for a reason, and I needed to go through the hard times I went through in order to appreciate the good times I’m having right now. And I appreciate it unbelievably, I really do.”
The Cowboys appreciate him right back. Spellman, starting at tackle for the first time in his career, finished the regular season as the team leader in quarterback pressures with 22 and tied for second in sacks with five.
“I’m very happy with him,” coach Chan Gailey said. “We were hoping for greatness but we didn’t expect it. It’s obvious now he was worth the time, the effort and the money for the returns we might get.”
Spellman’s contract includes incentives worth an additional $450,000 based on playing time and sacks. The Cowboys have made it clear they would like him back.
“He’s been cooperative, his life is under control and he’s been a jewel to coach,” defensive line coach Jim Bates said. “He needed a new start and we’ve all benefited from it.”
The irony is that the Bears tried to make Spellman a tackle.
“He is a tackle,” Wannstedt still contends. “When I got there [in Spellman’s second year], I said, `You’re the next Leon Lett. We’ll move you inside, you’ll make a ton of sacks and a lot of money.’ But no.”
Spellman wasn’t receptive to the move and his brief stints in practice showed it, although he did play inside in some pass-rushing situations. In Dallas he obviously had little leverage but he did have good timing.
The day after he arrived at Cowboys training camp, incumbent starting end Kavika Pittman broke his hand, prompting speculation that Spellman would start in his place. But when Lett was suspended for eight games for violating the league’s substance abuse policy before the season, Spellman was moved inside.
By time Lett returned, Spellman’s play had secured him the tackle spot, and Lett moved to end.
“We really felt Alonzo had found a home,” Dallas defensive coordinator Dave Campo said. “I think when he was in Chicago, it wasn’t the time or place for him to make a move. I think he was much more receptive here.”
Spellman lines up at end in some nickel packages. At tackle, where he contends with opposing guards and centers–not normally a team’s best pass protectors–his athleticism and pass-rushing skills make him a more dominant player.
“It’s a hard transition, but he improved at a rapid pace,” Bates said. “He’s been a real bonus for us.”
Spellman was one of the more vocal members of the Bears, with his teammates and the media, playfully proclaiming to reporters after a good game that “The sheriff’s back in town.” He merely tries to blend in with the Cowboys.
“He’s a guy who might not be a leader if you’re talking football only,” Gailey said. “But a lot of guys may look to him who have problems nobody even knows about and say, `If he can straighten himself out, then maybe I can or my brother or my sister who have similar problems can.’ You can get real positives in life from what he has done.”
Spellman says he simply had to start over in order to heal.
“One thing you definitely don’t want to do is surround yourself with negativity because if you do that, all it does is hurt everything you’re trying to do,” he said. “But there are no negatives here.”
