Dear Cheryl: Have you ever heard of a female who doesn’t like to kiss? I’m 34 and she’s 27. If we do kiss, it’s like a kiss you would get from a sibling. On one hand, maybe she’s not attracted to me that way. On the other hand, maybe she’s a nut case. She’s not romantic at all. She doesn’t like to cuddle. She doesn’t like to show affection, especially not in public. She says she likes sex, but we have never ventured there and I don’t know if we ever will. I’m pretty much getting frustrated with this woman. I’ve known her for years, but over the past year we’ve been trying to create a relationship, as in a couple thing.
Ice Prince
Dear Ice Prince: It really doesn’t matter what’s going on with the Ice Princess, because it’s not your problem. If she has some emotional difficulties that don’t allow her to enjoy intimacy, that’s something she’s going to have to work on. If she’s not sexually attracted to you, yet she wants to be in a relationship with you, again, she has major issues she needs to work on. You need to tell her goodbye and good luck. Then find yourself a nice, warm-blooded woman.
Dear Cheryl: I am an intelligent, educated woman, and I have been married for 10 months. This is my second marriage, his third. I waited 20 years to remarry. Still, I feel stuck. I don’t feel as if my husband recognizes my needs, interests, wants and desires. It’s as if he’s clueless at worst and unconscious at best. We have tried to talk–at least I have tried to talk to him–but things only change for a moment, than we’re back to the routine. So I’ve decided that I must go for healing alone. This is the first time that I have raised this issue with someone outside of my community. But somehow, I feel it’s OK while I search for a therapist, an African-American woman and it’s best if she’s Muslim.
So Alone
Dear So Alone: My question to you is, was your husband any more understanding of your needs, etc., before you married? If yes, then you need couples counseling to make him understand that he needs to maintain that level of involvement. If no, then you need to understand why you married him, and therapy is a good place to start. Good luck with finding the right therapist. Ask friends for recommendations and check with your local professional societies. Please keep in touch.
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Got a problem? Send it to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611 or e-mail CLavin@tribune.com. All names are changed. Letters cannot be considered without name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column.Tales from the front
