Q: I’m 19 years old, and my boyfriend is 33. (My family thinks he’s 26.) We love each other very much. We’ve been together for more than a year, and we’ve already talked about the possibility of marriage. I’ve been living with him for three months now, and he has all the qualities I’m looking for–except his age and that he isn’t working right now. He works as a bartender in the summer and occasionally at parties in the winter. I always felt that I should marry some stockbroker or businessman who works a steady 9 to 5 job. I take the idea of marriage very seriously, and I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend very much, and it is hard for me to imagine life without him. He is my best friend as well as my boyfriend, but I’m afraid he won’t make enough money to comfortably support a family. Should I let money matters interfere with love?
A: This is a serious issue because it already has you lying to your family members. The reason you didn’t want to tell the truth is that you knew they wouldn’t approve, and since you felt the need to write to me, you have doubts too. I don’t totally understand this whole situation, because you say he is a bartender only during the summer months. Why doesn’t he work the rest of the year? After all, people need bartenders all year. Who is supporting the two of you? Before you have any more discussions about marriage, you have to tell him that he has to prove to you that he could carry his share of supporting a family. If you can’t make up your mind on your own, then I suggest you see a counselor. There are many unanswered questions here, so go for help.
