Chilling on the hammock, Blink-182 blaring through the headphones, a bag of Oreos within arm’s reach. No schedule, no algebra, no plans.
The perfect summer scenario. Pass the sun block.
Your parents, on the other hand, have a scenario that looks something like this: Attend three weeks of music camp to master the tuba, mow lawns for half the neighborhood to make money, and volunteer to baby-sit toddlers during the church rummage sale.
It’s enough to make you want to go back to school.
Before summer panic sets in, consider the advice of Harriet Mosatche. She’s a New York psychologist and co-author of “Too Old for This, Too Young for That! Your Survival Guide for the Middle School Years.”
She says parents and kids can co-exist – and peacefully – during summer break as long as both parties are willing to communicate and compromise.
Mosatche urges parents and kids to do some summer planning.
“Parents and kids have different expectations,” Mosatche says. “If you don’t sit down and talk, summer comes along and you find you’re not on the same page.”
For Philip Y., 15, the expectations are simple: Get a job or go to camp. He says that last year, his parents made him go to Galveston, Texas, for a week of marine biology camp.
“If we can’t agree on what I’ll do, they’ll just stick me on a plane and tell me to call them when I land,” Philip says, half-jokingly. This year he’s hoping to get a job at a veterinary clinic near home.
While jobs and camps can keep kids busy over the summer, it’s the time at home that can cause some of the biggest strains on kid/parent relationships.
Mosatche says home chores – lawn mowing, gardening, cleaning – are a good way to both help at home and earn money.
For friends Laura B., 11, Virginia C., 12, and Sarah A., 11, chores are a painful but necessary means for earning money. All three admit they do them for the cash – not necessarily the responsibility.
“My mom says studies show you do better in school if you do chores,” Virginia says. “Of course, she would say that.”
Mosatche has other peacekeeping tips:
– Find something to do together (it’s a bonding thing). Consider something you both enjoy. Take an art class or learn to scuba dive together or join a parent/teen book group. Or just take a walk together around the neighborhood.
– Respect each other’s privacy. Mosatche suggests a “privacy contract” where both parties agree to respect the other’s need for privacy. This doesn’t mean you avoid each other. Just be considerate and give each other some space. If your dad wants to spend an afternoon just watching the grass grow, let him do that without interruption.
– Play by the rules. The best way to keep your parents off your back is to obey the house rules. Keep this in mind: Parents often will bend the rules during the summer on issues such as curfews, sleeping in and TV time. But once you have the rules, relaxed or otherwise, follow them!
Philip says his parents insist – no exceptions – that when he goes out he tells them where he is going and when he will be home. He also needs to let them know if he changes his plans and goes somewhere else.
Virginia, Laura and Sarah say the same rule applies to them. Laura has to check in at home every two hours when she goes out, and Sarah has to call her parents to let them know she has arrived safely.
– Give your parents a break. Though you may be away from school all summer, most parents are working, which leaves them little time to enjoy the season. Consider giving your parents a summer break by being more resourceful. For starters, instead of insisting your parents chauffeur you to the mall, the movies or swim lessons, consider car pooling with other friends or riding your bike.
SHOW THIS TO THE FOLKS
Though kids usually have fewer structured activities in the summer and subsequently more free time, psychologist Harriet Mosatche cautions against giving kids a “laundry list” of responsibilities. In fact, she encourages parents “to make sure kids know that they have some freedom to do what they want to do with their time and money.”
