Are you ready for a story that begins by asking something besides whether you’re ready for something besides some football? Stay tuned. In due time, this hysteria shall pass.
Until then, even before he utters his first “Back to you, Al,” Dennis Miller is already an unqualified success as third man in the ABC booth for a “Monday Night Football” series that has been losing its grip on our nation in the middle of winter. Now, here we are in the middle of summer, and the network’s unconventional maneuver is all over the front pages of respectable newspapers and also USA Today.
Rest assured that the NFL couldn’t be happier, because the comedian’s appointment to the sport’s crown jewel of broadcast vehicles at least temporarily will divert attention from the league’s primary off-season activity: monitoring the police blotter.
Just when you expected an overdue answer to a lingering question–how can Jim Miller of the Bears be suspended four games for buying an over-the-counter nutritional supplement when Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens receives no punishment whatsoever for an obstruction-of-justice plea bargain in a double murder case?–here comes Hollywood to remind us that it’s all about advertising dollars, not bail money.
Some of us are ancient enough to remember the earthshaking day three decades ago when Howard Cosell was assigned to the original experiment. Prime-time football had no chance, promised the purists, who were particularly indignant that hallowed NFL turf would be critiqued by this Brooklyn-born lawyer with velvet tongue and industrial-strength ego.
Cosell, may he rest in peace, was smarter than his legion of detractors, if for no other reason than he realized that he and the NFL were in the same business: entertainment. All Cosell did was make “Monday Night Football” must-see television. He left the X’s and O’s to gridiron geeks and went off on his own, doing his thing.
For the average NFL contest, the ball is live for only about 11 minutes, so there will be ample opportunity for Dennis Miller to make us laugh, cringe, squirm or turn down the sound to catch Howard David and Matt Millen on radio. You could do a lot worse.
What’s intriguing about the reaction to Dennis Miller is the source of the outrage. Sports talk radio, a relatively recent phenomenon, generally doesn’t like it because the move reeks of schtick. Yet what is sports talk radio? Schtick that has stuck, starring all sorts of folks who comment on daily events they never attend while confined to a studio.
Similarly one of the problems of America’s press boxes is the high density of writers who take the scores and highlights and themselves far too seriously. How odd that the very games being staged to allay stress are covered by some of the most ornery and humorless souls. Talk about square pegs in round holes.
Dennis Miller might indeed fit that description, but at least he’s got a chance to be funny, unlike so many of those bashing him. Al Michaels, a complete professional, is still in charge and Dan Fouts, an ex-jock whose dad was a broadcaster, will be relied on for analysis, not that he couldn’t loosen up too.
If Dennis Miller bombs on merit, ABC can try again. But all you need to know about where we’ve been and where we’re going is that “Monday Night Football” tapped a comedian because it is fighting for its life against pro wrestling. And we thought Howard Cosell offended our sensibilities?
“I know football like a nerd,” Miller said, attempting to appeal to the purists.
But he got the job because he might be fun, and where’s the harm in that? Even if he’s not great, he probably won’t be arrested, and he could be just the salve for a bereaved region such as San Francisco, which recently bid a tearful adieu to Steve Young. Jerry Rice wept at the ceremony, and no wonder. A day later, the once-dominant 49ers signed Rick Mirer.
