The graphic elements on this page should not be taken to imply that what television networks do is criminal. Really.
They run shows–some good, some bad, some involving naked men on islands–and each fall they add new shows to replace the old ones in their prime-time lineups. It is the cycle of life. You may have seen a filmstrip about it in Junior High.
Anyway, here is a brief network-by-network look at the upcoming new shows, which start Oct. 2.
While it uses lingo that would make Columbo proud, please do not try to follow the metaphor too closely.
ABC
CHARGES: Killing “TGIF” lineup.
Adding another “Millionaire” hour.
NEW SHOWS
Tue 8:30 The Geena Davis Show
Wed 9:00 Gideon’s Crossing
Fri 7:30 The Trouble with Normal
8:30 Madigan Men
Record: First-place finish last season, thanks to “Millionaire.”
Motive: To launch a few decent shows so the net doesn’t collapse when “Millionaire” fades.
Mitigating circumstances: Trimmed news-magazine lineup. Brought Andre Braugher back to tube in very strong “Gideon’s Crossing.”
Suspected of: Mopery, or whatever the term is for replacing Michael J. Fox with Charlie Sheen (“Spin City”).
Alibi: Was playing Trivial Pursuit with Reege.
CBS
Charges: Bringing NBC loser Mike O’Malley back in sitcom (“Yes, Dear”). Offering racially suspect “The District.”
MON 7:30 Yes, Dear
Wed 7:00 Bette
7:30 Welcome to New York
FRI 7:00 The Fugitive
8:00 C.S.I.
SAT 7:00 That’s Life
9:00 The District
Record: Decent ratings but too many old viewers for advertisers.
Motive: To continue summer “Survivor” momentum.
Mitigating circumstances: Kept ratings-weak black doc drama “City of Angels” on schedule. Remade “Fugitive,” and well, and Wednesday sitcoms have big potential.
Suspected of: Wishing “Survivor II” could start way before January.
Alibi: Was doing macrame at nursing home.
NBC
Charges: Ripping off “Malcolm in the Middle” (“Tucker”). Propagating schlock (“Titans”). Indulging Michael Richards (self-titled).
SUN 7:00 Ed
MON 7:30 Tucker
8:00 Deadline
TUE 7:00 The Michael Richards Show
8:30 DAG
WED 7:00 Titans
THU 7:30 Cursed
Record: Losing popular hold despite strong young shows (“West Wing,” “Will & Grace”).
Motive: To somehow keep jobs of top programmers, who missed game-, reality-show boats.
Mitigating circumstances: “W&G” and “Just Shoot Me” moves put, finally, three decent comedies on Thursday. “Ed” a total charmer.
Suspected of: Pining for “Seinfeld.”
Alibi: Was shopping at Banana Republic.
FOX
CHARGES: Ineptitude (pulled two announced fall shows before fall). Tackiness (“The Street”).
MON 7:00 Boston Public
TUE 8:00 Dark Angel
WED 7:30 Normal, Ohio
8:00 The Street
FRI 8:00 Freakylinks
Record: Chaos and cluelessness after big flops (“Time of Your Life,” “Harsh Realm,”), midseason management change.
Motive: To hope people don’t notice net has lied repeatedly about no-reality-special pledge; to sandbag David Duchovny’s film career.
Mitigating circumstances: John Goodman as gay dad “Normal, Ohio”) challenges thin, single, neat stereotype. Has the very funny “The Tick” waiting in wings.
Suspected of: Stealing David E. Kelley (“Ally McBeal,” “Boston Public”) genetic material for secret cloning experiment.
Alibi: Was attending back-alley cockfight.
UPN
CHARGES: Making new shows (“Freedom,” “Level 9”) fit old compatibility-with-“Star Trek” strategy, not new compatibility-with-pro wrestling strategy.
MON 8:30 Girlfriends
FRI 7:00 Freedom
8:00 Level 9
Record: Good news: Teen boy net passed WB in ratings. Bad news: New owner Viacom rumored to be ready to pull plug.
Motive: To show enough growth to convince Viacom there could be an upside to all the money losses.
Mitigating circumstances: No instantly mockworthy comedy this year (“Homeboys from Outer Space,” “The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer,” “Shasta McNasty”).
Suspected of: Asking Vince McMahon if he could do a “WWF Smackdown!” show nightly.
Alibi: Was partyin’ with my buds, dude.
WB
CHARGES: Cutting Keri Russell’s hair. Pandering to teen girls’ interest in sexuality, cute guys. As if.
SUN 8:00 Hype
8:30 Nikki
THU 7:00 Gilmore Girls
FRI 7:30 Grosse Pointe
Record: Lost ground, momentum when network fare stopped playing on WGN cable.
Motive: To establish comedy presence (“Grosse Pointe,” “Nikki,” “Hype”) and make the ratings equal the buzz for shows like “Felicity” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
Mitigating circumstances: Daring to try prime-time sketch comedy (“Hype”) and to parody TV shows (“Grosse Pointe”).
Suspected of: Wishing it had signed up wrestling first.
Alibi: Duh. Was, like, so cruising the mall with Tiffany and Heather.
