You mean to say no one who has come into contact with the aristocratic Tessa Alvarado recognizes her as the swashbuckling Queen of Swords? What kind of narcotics were they taking in 1819, anyway?
In fact, you might have a hard time embracing the entire premise of “Queen of Swords,” the new syndicated action-adventure series premiering Wednesday at 7 p.m. on WCIU-Ch. 26.
That is, unless you haven’t heard about a little Old West do-gooder by the name of Zorro. Now, stop us if you’ve heard this one:
Young Tessa (Tessie Santiago) returns to her home in 19th Century California from Spain to find her father murdered, her property practically in ruins, and her homeland controlled and its people oppressed by a greedy military governor (Valentine Pelka).
Tessa, who just happens to be a master sword fighter, receives a vision from her dead father guiding her to the answer: don a mask, ride a horse and be the spike in the wheel of the governor’s plans. It’s suggested that women’s limited social role is the reason why no one puts two and two together.
The only thing missing is someone getting a “Q” carved on their person with her sword.
Santiago is appealing enough, and having a Cuban-American woman join the getting-longer list of shows about female action heroes (“Xena,” “Buffy,” “Relic Hunter”) is a good thing.
The sword play is also pretty cool; the series is made by former producers of “Highlander: The Series,” in which sword fighting also came into play. And it’s shot in picturesque, camera-friendly Spain, which helps.
But even Clark Kent donning a pair of glasses is a better disguise than Tessa’s wearing her hair pulled back to divert from the Queen’s freely flowing locks.
She doesn’t even disguise her voice!
Sunday
A marathon of slick 1960s spy series “The Avengers” runs from midnight to 11 p.m. on Encore’s Mystery Channel, hosted by John Steed himself, Patrick Macnee.
“Ghost in the Shell” is an animated tale of futuristic cyborgs questioning whether they have a soul while fighting a menacing force. The movie is on the Sundance Channel at 11 a.m. as part of its “Window on Japan” monthlong festival of Japanese cinema.
Grammy-winner Yolanda Adams hosts a new music special on Odyssey at 6 p.m., with singers Brian McKnight, Deborah Cox and Deborah (not Debbie) Gibson.
People with questionable judgment do really dumb stunts, pranks and antics on MTV’s new reality series “Jackass” at 8 p.m.
The story of 1970s hitmaker Cat Stevens (“Cat in the Cradle”) — who subsequently converted to the Islamic faith and changed his name to Yusuf Islam — is on VH1’s “Behind the Music” at 8 p.m.
Monday
Home & Garden Television starts its 2000-01 season Monday with nine new series, 70 original specials and new episodes for almost 50 existing series. Among the new offerings are “Our Place” (Mondays, 8:30 a.m.) a show on home dcor; and “Help Around the House” (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 5:30 p.m.), where homeowners and apartment dwellers are taught home maintenance.
Also premiering are “Old Homes Restored” (Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m.), which pretty much says it all; “Weekend Warriors” (Tuesdays, 9 p.m.), a do-it-yourself show; “Designers’ Challenge” (Thursdays, 8:30 p.m.), in which a homeowner gets to choose different designs for his renovations; and “Fantasy Open House” (Fridays, 9:30 p.m.) opens the doors to opulent mansions.
The History Channel premieres new quiz show “History IQ” at 6:30 p.m.
Among the season premieres set for Monday, include CBS’ “The King of Queens” (on WBBM-Ch. 2), NBC’s “Daddio” (on WMAQ-Ch. 5) and the WB’s “7th Heaven” (on WGN-Ch. 9) at 7 p.m.; the hourlong premiere of CBS’ “Everybody Loves Raymond” and the WB’s “Roswell” at 8 p.m.; and CBS’ “Family Law” and NBC’s “Third Watch” at 9 p.m.
It’s a new format for the Independent Film Channel’s “Split Screen” at 7 p.m. The show will look at movers and shakers in the New York film scene.
Fox looks for “The Sexiest Bachelor in America” at 7 p.m. on WFLD-Ch. 32. Hosted by “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch’s” Caroline Rhea, the pageant features 51 guys going for $100,000 in cash and prizes. And yes, there will be a bathing suit competition.
The Discovery Channel’s new reality series “The Prosecutors: In Pursuit of Justice” looks at a New Jersey district attorney’s multistate efforts to convict a sadistic killer who counted among his victims his own wife. The episode is at 9 p.m.
Bravo profiles popular culture over the years in a monthlong festival. Highlights this week include “Bravo Profiles” biographies on Yoko Ono on Monday and Cyndi Lauper on Thursday, both at 9 p.m.
Speaking of Ono, Court TV’s “Mugshots” looks at the murder of her husband, former Beatle John Lennon, at 9 p.m.
Tuesday
Tuesday series premieres include ABC’s “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” (on WLS-Ch. 7), CBS’ “JAG” (part one of a two-part premiere in Russia), Fox’s “That ’70s Show” (on WFLD-Ch. 32), and “UPN’s Night at the Movie” presentation “Broken Arrow” (on WPWR-Ch. 50) at 7 p.m.
Holy marathon! The Sci-Fi Channel celebrates the 35th anniversary of ABC’s “Batman” with “Bat-Tuesday” each week, with six episodes from 7 to 10 p.m.
The first of three televised presidential debates is at 8 p.m., and most of the networks and cable news channels will cover. The vice presidential candidates get their turn Thursday at the same time.
A two-part, two-hour special on the mechanics and technology of sports is explored in TLC’s “The Amazing Science of Sports” at 8 p.m. Part one is on the perfect baseball swing; part two is high-tech’s influence on football.
A new five-part PBS miniseries on superstructures like skyscrapers, dams and the like, starts at 9 p.m. on WTTW-Ch. 11. Part one of “Building Big” is on bridges. See story, page 27.
Wednesday
Two new series debut on CAN TV21. On Wednesday it’s “You Have the Right” at 6:30 p.m., hosted by the American Civil Liberties Union and examining racial profiling, separation of church and state and other civil rights issues. On Thursday is “Poverty Law Hotline” at 5:30 p.m., hosted by the National Center on Poverty Law and exploring welfare reform, public housing and other challenges of lower income people.
Series premieres for Wednesday include the WB’s “Dawson’s Creek,” with special guest “Real World” New Orleans housemate Danny Roberts, at 7 p.m. Wednesday (on WGN-Ch. 9); ABC’s “The Drew Carey Show” (on WLS-Ch. 7), NBC’s two-hour premiere of “The West Wing” (on WMAQ-Ch. 5), the start of the final season of UPN’s “Star Trek: Voyager” (on WPWR-Ch. 50), and the WB’s “Felicity,” all at 8 p.m.; and a special premiere of ABC’s “Norm” at 8:30 p.m.
“Das Boot” and “The Perfect Storm” director Wolfgang Petersen is profiled on Encore’s “The Directors” at 7 p.m.
CBS presents the 34th annual Country Music Association Awards at 7 p.m. on WBBM-Ch. 2. Here are the stats: Faith Hill and Brad Paisley lead the field with six nominations each, while the Dixie Chicks and Lee Ann Womack are tied with five each; Vince Gill fronts the deal for the ninth time, and he also is nominated for male vocalist of the year; and the Chicks, Womack, Martina McBride, Trisha Yearwood and Montgomery Gentry are among those slated to perform.
Thursday
The WB’s “Charmed” has its season premiere at 8 p.m. on WGN-Ch. 9.
Friday
Series premieres for Friday include ABC’s “Two Guys and a Girl” (on WLS-Ch. 7) and Fox’s “Police Videos” (on WFLD-Ch. 32) at 7 p.m.; ABC’s “Norm” bows on its new day and time at 8 p.m.; and CBS’ “Nash Bridges” (on WBBM-Ch. 2) and ABC’s “20/20” at 9 p.m.
Saturday
The new season of prehistoric action series “Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World” is on a new day and time — 2 p.m. — on WGN-Ch. 9.
PBS starts a new initiative this season to enhance its presentation on live drama with “Stage on Screen.” The beginning is at 7 p.m. on WTTW-Ch. 11 with the Roundabout Theatre Company’s Broadway revival of “The Man Who Came to Dinner.” Nathan Lane and Jean Smart star in the Moss Hart/George S. Kaufman comedy.
Pop groups 98o and Hoku are in concert on the Disney Channel at 7 p.m.
It’s a new season of silliness for Fox’s “Mad TV” at 10 p.m. on WFLD-Ch. 32.
