I was struck by your question “Have you declined a job promotion and transfer because of the impact it would have on your family?” (Readers forum, Sept. 17). My response is a different spin on the question.
When I was growing up (I am now 47), my father turned down numerous transfers and promotions, citing his concern over the negative impact such a move would have on my two sisters and me. At first blush, his commitment appears to be the loving act of a caring father.
[But] I have come to believe his fears of failure and of “fitting in” to a new job and community–as well as his issues around change, possibility and letting go of certainty–were covered over by his position: “I don’t want to move because of my family.”There were several times my sisters, mother and I wanted to move, and felt excited by the potential that lay ahead. My father’s consistent decline of transfers carried several unspoken and largely unacknowledged consequences. We learned, to name a few, martyrdom and how to transfer our fears to others, and that following a dream, experimenting or risking new things is not to be done.
Too many parents have made choices without taking the well-being of family members into consideration. We all know the horror stories of driven parents who sacrifice their families. It is important that parents deeply soul search their motives before they transfer, or decline a transfer. Declining has its price too.
— Sharon Colby, Cyberspace
ADOPTION RECORDS
You have misrepresented the new law in Oregon (Readers forum, Aug. 6). Measure 58 is not concerned with birth parents’ rights to privacy or adoptees’ rights to know birth parents. Oregon’s law deals solely with the way in which adult citizens of the state can access original birth records.
Access to open records for adult adoptees means restoring to all adult adoptees their civil right to unconditionally access all documents about themselves that are being held by state governments.
Access to open records for adult adoptees is not about search and reunion. These are private issues. Every citizen, throughout his or her lifetime, confronts a variety of family issues in his or her own way, without intervention from the state. Whether an adoptee elects to search for birth family is a personal choice. Whether a birth parent elects to reconnect with an adoptee is also a personal choice. Neither must be regulated in any way by any government.
— Anita Walker Field, Skokie
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UP NEXT: Do you think credit card companies should be banned from soliciting on college campuses? Have you had to bail out a son or daughter who ran up extensive credit card debt?
BACKGROUND: In a story in today’s Family section, Tribune staff writer Ross Werland reports that large debt can handicap a graduate looking for a job.
Send your response to Chicago Tribune Family section, 5th Floor Features, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago IL 60611, or e-mail us at ctc-family@tribune.com.
