While driving down the Kennedy, I heard news of the abortion pill approval. I turned around and looked at my 2-year-old daughter sleeping in the back seat. I thanked God that this pill was not available two years ago.
I was 38 years old and facing an unexpected pregnancy. I have a 20-year-old and never imagined I would have another child. The thought that I would be responsible for a new life was incredibly frightening.
I struggled throughout the first few months of my pregnancy, facing serious doubts as to whether I could be a good mother at this time in my life. Would the fact that this pregnancy was an “accident” play a role in my feelings of motherhood? I was involved in my career and had never even contemplated having a child.
I aborted many years ago and have carried guilt ever since. The thought of going through this procedure again terrorized me, yet so did the thought of a new baby. It was hard to decide what scared me more.
All I could think about was the heartbeat of the baby that I had seen in an ultrasound. The thought of an abortion procedure pulling that heart out of me was hard to imagine.
Perhaps the procedure was more deterring than the act itself. I could not face going through the steps required for a surgical abortion. Watching a vacuum suck a life out of your body and into a jar is beyond any painful experience I could ever describe.
Somehow the thought of an abortion pill was not the same. I would not actually see it happening so graphically. Had that pill been available, I may have chosen to use it. It would have somehow masked the act itself (most likely, not the feelings).
I am grateful that option was not available to me. My daughter has brought me incredible joy, which I may never have known otherwise. Life without her is now as unimaginable to me as having her was two years ago. She is precious, and I thank God for her every day. And I am a wonderful mother.
I hope this pill will not somehow make it easier to abort for others who may find themselves in my position, though I fear that it will.
Although I understand that everyone may not be in the position of welcoming a new life into her world, I also know the pain of aborting one.
Making it so easy may not be the best thing.
