When it comes to kids’ athletics, most parents practice good sportsmanship. They know how to behave in the stands and create a laid-back atmosphere.
But some parents act as if there aren’t any rules. For them, winning comes first — and controlling their emotional outbursts comes last. More than ever, bad-sport parents are creating problems for everyone who loves fun and fair play, experts say.
Perhaps you’ve read about parents who recently made headlines with their brazen behavior. Last month in Dade County, Fla., about 20 parents brawled at a t-ball game for 4- and 5-year-olds.
“One of the kids thought that the parents were staging a wrestling match,” says Doug Abrams, a law professor at the University of Missouri Law School who tracks parental violence in youth sports. “But it was a brawl.”
In a much more extreme recent case, Thomas Junta allegedly beat another parent to death at a Lynnfield, Mass., hockey rink. Upset when a young player shoved his 10-year-old son, Junta snapped and started punching Michael Costin. Junta was ejected from the rink, but returned and beat Costin unconscious in front of Costin’s sons, police said. Costin died; Junta was charged with manslaughter.
“Ugly, ugly situations exist,” says Fred Engh, president of the National Alliance for Youth Sports. He’s also the author of “Why Johnny Hates Sports.” “Is it ludicrous insanity? You bet.”
Abrams says: “Parents aren’t perfect; they’ve always acted up and done things kids are ashamed of. But things have gotten much, much worse in the last five or 10 years.”
What’s gotten into adults? “Part of it is the society that we live in,” Abrams says. “It’s gotten a lot more confrontational and in your face.”
Two developments also have changed the picture: fat college scholarships and pro sports contracts.
“Parents see the success of Earl Woods with Tiger Woods and want to do the same thing,” Abrams says. “But the chances are about 1-in-20,000 that your kid will make it.”
Abrams, who has coached youth hockey for 31 years, believes many parents live out an intense desire to succeed through their kids. When kids are surveyed as to why they quit youth sports, “the answer they give most often is that it’s not fun anymore, that the parents and coaches, the adults, have taken the fun out of it. There’s too much pressure to win.”
How bad is the parent problem? Engh’s organization estimates that the percentage of parents involved in confrontations and violent incidents at games has soared over the last five years from 5 to 15 percent.
“But kids can help their communities to stand up,” Engh says.
One way is to follow the example of Jupiter, Fla. In February, that town made its coaches go through special training in how to handle young athletes. It also required 6,000 parents in its youth programs to attend a one-hour sportsmanship seminar. If parents refused, their kids couldn’t play.
“It’s a national model,” says Engh, whose organization helped set up Jupiter’s new guidelines. “Not one parent has taken their kids out of the program. And the best thing of all is that through the baseball and softball seasons, there hasn’t been one parental incident.”
About 200 communities have similar systems, Engh says. For more info, visit www.nays.org or call 1-800-688-KIDS.
Other towns have recently opted for more drastic measures. Last season, a suburban Cleveland youth soccer league experimented with “Silent Saturday,” a day when parents and coaches could not yell or even open their mouths at games.
“Most parents don’t misbehave at youth sports,” Abrams points out. “Parents have a lot to offer kids. But they have to realize that youth sports are for the kids. Adults are the guests, and they should act like responsible guests.”
He adds: “If there were no parents in the stands and no coaches, the kids could still play.”
If your parents are bad sports, you could sit down with them and talk about it. You know your parents best and whether you can get through to them. If so, Engh suggests a low-key approach to address the situation: “A kid can say to the parent, `You’re embarrassing me.’ “
