NAME: Evelyn Lerman
BACKGROUND: In “Safer Sex: The New Morality” (Morning Glory Press, $21.95), Evelyn Lerman looks at statistics on teenage pregnancy, abortion and sexually transmitted infections and examines reasons the U.S. rates are so much higher than those in Germany, France and the Netherlands. Much of her information was gathered on a 1998 trip to those countries under the auspices of the Washington, D.C.-based Advocates for Youth and the University of North Carolina. Lerman, a former teacher and family-court mediator, is also the author of “Teen Moms: The Pain and the Promise.” She has two children and four grandchildren.
Q–Your trip made a real impression on you.
A–It was fascinating to see what Europe was doing. It is possible to lower pregnancy rates and abortion rates and it is possible to have kids feel good about themselves, but you have to turn society on its head. That’s what I came back with. In this country, 51 teens out of 1,000 give birth each year. In Germany it’s 14; in France, 9; in the Netherlands, 4.
Q–Why are their numbers so different from ours?
A–In the Netherlands I interviewed a grandmother and grandfather, their children and granddaughter — three generations sitting in the park. I asked the grandmother: How do you feel about the sexuality of young people? And she said, “Well, we weren’t brought up that way and we didn’t bring up our children that way, but look at my granddaughter. She’s beautiful, she’s happy and she’s safe. And I know we’re keeping her safe because we teach comprehensive sex education in the schools and the media are forever getting the word out.”
Q–How do they do that?
A–All day long, on Dutch and German and French TV, the way we have ads for Nike, they have ads for safe sex. They talk about “safe sex or no sex.” They teach kids that sexuality is a gift, and that you need to be respectful and responsible. That having sex when you’re maybe 16 or 17 is not a bad thing, but that having unprotected sex, where you don’t care about your partner’s health or your own, is a bad thing. They have changed the definition of what’s moral.
Q–And there’s consensus?
A–Yes, with both attitude and public policy. The government funds the media for these ads. They don’t tell them what to say; they just fund them. But everybody’s on the same page. So the young teenager says, “Here’s what we learned in school today” and the parents say, “We know.” There’s not this them-against-us thing.
Q–There’s a different attitude toward teenagers from what you see in the U.S.?
A–They don’t say “those teens.” They say “our young people.” The adults are respectful of the young people.
Q–How is their view of condom use different from what you find here?
A–There’s a video from Advocates for Youth (www.advocatesforyouth.org) called “Teens and Sex in Europe.” In one scene they ask the European teens if they carry condoms, and they say, “Of course. We carry a condom the way we carry a handkerchief.” Then they ask the Americans and the boy says, “Oh no. If I carried a condom, the girls would think I was hustling them.” And the girl says, “I can’t carry a condom. I’d look like a slut.” There it is. We have condom phobia, and contraception phobia, and politics decides everything.
Q–Do you think we’re close to changing?
A–You’ve got to be a little crazy to think it’s going to happen overnight. I don’t think I’ll see it, not my generation, but the next may very well see it, and their children surely will, if people push for it.
Q–What do you say to people who advocate flat-out abstinence for teens?
A–I say, I understand where you’re coming from, and I wish that it were the case, especially with people who aren’t old enough to make an honest, safe and lasting commitment to a partner. But it’s not the case. Look at the statistics: Where sexuality education has been very comprehensive and kids have learned early on how to protect themselves and their partners, and talked about their feelings, they wait longer before first having sex. In the Netherlands, the average age for initiation of intercourse is 17.7. In the U.S. it’s 16.3.
Q–You’re not opposed to abstinence?
A–Not a bit. I think it’s the first and, without question with young teens, the best method of contraception. But when kids get to be 16 or 17, it isn’t typically true that they abstain. And a lot of 16-year-olds aren’t anywhere near ready for commitment.
Q–Much less for raising a child.
A–The European kids know that not only is it not appropriate to have a baby when you’re not emotionally, financially and intellectually ready, but that it’s immoral.
Q–They see unprotected sex as stupid, while American kids think it’s cool?
A–Yes! In the Netherlands, 5 percent of pregnancies are unplanned. In the U.S. it’s 50 percent. Think what that means for the abortion rate. I think we should have abortion available, but I would prefer that young people waited for healthy relationships, and that when they form a relationship, they’re very careful.
Q–What about kids hearing about sex and condoms on TV before their parents think they’re ready to hear about it?
A–Many parents worry that if kids hear about it, they’ll do it. The research shows that when they know more, they wait longer.
Q–Some parents might be afraid of questions they don’t feel comfortable answering.
A–And they would be right, because they haven’t been trained. Many parents don’t believe they can make a difference, even though the research clearly says they do.
