From Monica Lewinsky to “Charlie’s Angels” and the women of the WB, strong, sexually aggressive women have become a major presence on television screens, at multiplexes and on college campuses. Paula Kamen, 33, has seen this change coming. Kamen–playwright and author–spent eight years interviewing more than 100 women and compiling statistical data for “Her Way: Young Women Remake the Sexual Revolution.” Kamen’s book shows how young women have developed more powerful sexual identities in the bedroom and beyond. She shared her thoughts on the positive effects of this sexual evolution and the deep social divisions that result.
Q: How did you come to write “Her Way?”
A: I saw a really good story that had not been covered: how women’s actions and sexual expectations had been transformed over 40 years. I saw this as one of the major changes of American life of the past century, and it’s important for us to see how far we’ve come, so we don’t take the past for granted.
Q: You’ve coined the term “superrats.” Who are they?
A: The book is about a movement of young women to conduct their sex lives and relationships on their own terms. There is a large subset of women who are acting more like men because they have more power and status. This is a result of the women’s movement, more education, jobs and religious freedoms. You see women initiating sex, asserting their needs, and feeling less shame.
I use “superrats” to describe this breed of women that grows stronger and more prevalent in every generation, the most sexually aggressive and remorseless group. The label is appropriate because of its partially negative connotation. Not all of society embraces them. The emblematic superrat of the last decade was Monica Lewinsky, where she was sexually aggressive and looking after her own agenda. And she was considered a pest. There was a tension between her expectations and those of society. Even President Clinton was caught off guard by this new breed that feels a sense of entitlement and is sexually assertive.
Q: With their turn toward individualism, young women don’t seem to cite feminism as the reason behind their behaviors. Is the personal still political?
A: Some activists say the political is personal. Often young women fail to look at the whole picture. It’s similar to the environmental movement: People take a stand by recycling, but they don’t lobby for legislation to save the forests.
You might see young women expressing their feminism through “Charlie’s Angels” or Britney Spears dancing around in hot pants and remaining a virgin, embracing all these contradictions, but very few young women see beyond the personal picture.
The recent Bush decision on ending abortion funding for women overseas comes as a shock to many young women, because they don’t realize how tenuous their freedoms are. Roe vs. Wade is hanging by such a thin thread that if somebody in Washington sneezes too hard, it’s gonna be gone.
Q: The 1970s sexual revolution devalued sex in the eyes of many. With women’s greater power, are we seeing sex regain value?
A: We’ve watched women act more like men. Now we’re getting to `her way,’ which is different from the male-driven sexual revolution of the ’70s, which was defined as pure promiscuity, with anyone at any time. As women gain more power, there is a greater movement to recognize the risks, responsibilities and consequences of sex. Virgins are speaking out for themselves, because virginity is being shown as a powerful personal choice.
Q: Women are demanding more respect from their partners. Are they getting it, and are they happier in relationships?
A: Yes, but we have a long way to go, and ultimately that’s what women want. In a word, that answer to Freud’s question: Respect. Aretha Franklin got it right, it’s the bottom line in everything. A lot of men embrace this movement, because they benefit from more flexible roles, being able to spend more time in raising children, with less stigmatization. Men also see how they have a more authentic relationship with their partner.
Q: Your research establishes that there is much to celebrate, but what about the roles of regret and shame in women’s lives?
A: There is less of a double standard. The high rates of cohabitation, premarital sex and single motherhood show there is less regret and shame. But the conservatives shouldn’t worry–there’s still plenty of guilt, shame and remorse to go around. There’s an underlying double standard, but it’s a less controlling force than ever before.
One view of that is negative–shame is a control on irresponsible behaviors. But there are positives–in bed, women are more likely to aggressively pursue their needs. Shame can be dangerous–women who feel it are less likely to protect themselves with condoms, and end up with more pregnancies and STDs. It isn’t black and white. I am not amoral, I’m not saying that remorse has no place in our society, but the lessening of it has allowed us to lead richer lives.
Q: How have magazines like Cosmopolitan influenced women as they develop stronger sexual identities?
A: Women’s magazines have had a profound effect on our understanding of the nitty-gritty aspects of sex, the stuff you don’t get in the classroom or from your mom. That has been positive, because it has released many women from shame. I interviewed a receptionist in a chiropractor’s office in California, who felt embarrassed and ashamed because her first sexual experience was negative. She thought that everyone’s first experience was like rose petals and doves singing, but she later read an article in Cosmo about women whose experiences were similar to hers. In this way, the magazines relieve isolation.
There are also as many negatives as positives. There isn’t a political awareness in these magazines about issues, and much of the content is shallow and narcissistic. I often feel less insulted reading Playboy, because it’s put together from the stance of a consumer who’s not being consumed. In Cosmo and Glamour, it’s more about sex, how to be an airbrushed, cookie-cutter object with tube top and spike heels. Cosmo feminism is all about the fun, none of the struggle.
Q: Magazines are full of bubbly advice, but how are young women developing genuine wisdom about sex?
A: From other women. Women’s `locker room’ talk, which is by all accounts just as explicit as men’s talk, provides a forum for discussing morality and values. Conversation is a major force in women’s lives. You see that reflected in shows like `Sex and the City’ and in popular music. There’s more talk about spirituality. I quote an article from Ms., where a woman basically says we as a generation have had sex, it’s not new to us. Now we’re into the ethics of it, how to make it meaningful.
Q: You found that middle-class white women make up the most sexually informed group. How is it different for poor and working-class women?
A: Women of all backgrounds talk to one another and support each other. It is true that poor women have less access to quality information about sex, and these are the women at greatest risks for diseases like AIDS. They’re not getting the best information or even information in schools that’s as good as say, a woman from the North Shore who goes to a place like Northwestern, where they are spending thousands on safe-sex education.
Q: The media commercializes sex and sexuality for even the youngest members of society. What does it mean when we see a 12-year-old in a baby-T with the word `vixen’ or `hottie’ splashed on the front, and what can we expect from her in the future?
A: It is unsettling to see 12-year-olds or 6-year-olds dressed up as Britney Spears. We cannot equate sexual freedom with consumption of these male-fantasy images. It’s bad to see a limited range of images without any talk of risks and responsibilities.
When this girl grows up, she will have greater access to jobs and education, and will take her freedoms for granted. She will come from a stronger position than women did 50 years ago, but there’s still a need for her to figure it out for herself, and not to follow these external scripts and pressures.
Q: How do young women define morality?
A: In the interviews for my book, the No. 1 topic mentioned was religion. I asked about the struggles and the tensions in their sex lives, and religion was an issue they consistently debated within themselves and with others. But they see their own selves as variables. So women are keeping religion, but with a greater feeling of entitlement to have religion on their own terms, like Catholic women who are pro-choice and have premarital sex.
Q: What is mainstream right now?
A: A much more individualistic generation. A big part of social science 50 years ago was defining who was normal. Now, we look at how people are challenging the norms. The norm is that you choose what’s good for you, whether that means being a virgin, lesbian or bisexual, getting married or cohabitating. It’s not total anarchy: Most women’s life goals are marriage, family and commitment. But it isn’t as ironclad as it once was.
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An edited transcript
