Tom Myers occasionally had his share of disgruntled parents in his 14 years as Lake Forest’s football coach.
But previous conflicts were minuscule compared with the campaign parents waged against him last fall.
“I’ve never seen it with such vengeance,” Myers said. “Most of the time, it’s about correcting something. This was about removing me.”
Parents criticized Myers’ offensive schemes, calling them antiquated, and also believed Myers wasn’t doing enough to get players recruited by colleges. Myers believes he was fired in January because the school’s administrators succumbed to pressure from parents who called for his dismissal.
“I don’t think the school was upset or had a complaint until the parents stepped in,” he said. “Parental pressure changed my position. These parents overstepped their bounds.”
Two other area coaches have had similar experiences with “parental influence” that led to their resignations. They illustrate the debate about where the line should be drawn between parental concern and excessive interference, and whether more and more parents are crossing the line.
Joy Poulakidas quit her job as Lake Zurich’s girls gymnastics coach in November amid backlash from parents who disagreed with the coach’s decision to bench gymnasts who had not met skills requirements the coach had set. One gymnast’s parents, one of whom is a school board member, caused a scene at the coach’s home, while others confronted the coach at a meet.
“They wouldn’t let me run the program the way I was supposed to,” Poulakidas said. “It was inappropriate the way they handled things. It went beyond a level I could tolerate.”
Stagg’s Bob Dillon, who had one of the most respected softball programs in the state, says he resigned in November under pressure from administrators and parents of two players. The players had been dismissed from the team for taking preseason instructional materials from his desk without his permission.
“I never intended to take their names off the rosters,” said Dillon, who later apologized to the players. “I was trying to set a tone. It was a dumb way to do it, but does the punishment fit the crime?”
`Parents took action’
Myers led Lake Forest to the state playoffs eight times, including four trips to the state quarterfinals. He also is the school’s head baseball coach and has won four North Suburban Conference titles.
The football team has struggled in recent years. The Scouts went 5-13 over the last two seasons and were 5-4 in 1998 and ’97. They have not advanced to the playoffs since 1996.
“You’ve had an incompetent coach in place for a decade who used to be a good coach,” said Nelson Levy, whose son, David, is a Lake Forest football player.
“Parents took action.”
Myers, who teaches physical education, says the parents took action with mean-spiritedness, even circulating a petition calling for his removal.
Levy spoke with the coach about his concerns last summer, although Myers says the meeting produced only a warning that parents were going to try to get him fired. Levy declined to be interviewed and made only brief comments. His son is expected to compete with Myers’ son, Travis, for the quarterback position in the fall.
The parents’ complaints reached Lake Forest’s administrators, who noted that Myers did not make full use of the 25 days teams can drill in the summer. Superintendent and Principal Jonathan Lamberson and Athletic Director Jill Bruder did not return repeated phone calls to comment.
In previous years administrators had complimented him, Myers says, but by January they decided he no longer could meet the demands of being a head coach in two sports and began their search for a new football coach.
Debbie Frakes, who has had three sons go through the football program, defends the parents’ role in his dismissal.
“If a high school teacher is doing a horrible job [in the classroom], how does the administration know unless somebody tells them?” she asked.
She applies the same reasoning to coaches.
Myers argues that valuable lessons in sportsmanship and discipline have taken a back seat to playing time, victories and scholarships.
“We lose sight of the real meaning of sports,” he said. “Sports are a supplement to the education you are getting. Parents are forgetting what the real meaning of high school and sports are supposed to be.”
House call
Lake Zurich’s Poulakidas wanted to motivate her gymnasts to increase their skill levels last fall, and she adopted a preseason rule that gymnasts had to meet certain standards to compete in meets.
“They needed a reason to prepare, to work in the gym,” she said. “I knew they would be able to do things I wanted them to do if they practiced.”
Poulakidas was in her seventh season at Lake Zurich, and this was going to be her toughest. The team was expected to struggle.
One gymnast, Laura Lebanik, went home in tears when she found out she would be benched in the team’s first meet in November. Instinctively her parents, Patti and Paul, wanted to help.
“I had a child that was absolutely emotionally destroyed,” Patti Lebanik said.
Patti and Paul Lebanik stunned Poulakidas by confronting the coach at home. It resulted in a “heated exchange,” Poulakidas said. “Going to a coach’s house, it’s outrageous.”
The parents’ behavior could also be considered intimidating because Patti Lebanik is a school board member. Lebanik says she regrets going to Poulakidas’ house but believed it was appropriate because in the past, gymnasts could return leotards to the coach at her home once the season ended.
The mother was turning in the equipment early because she was taking her daughter off the team to enroll her in a club team.
Could Laura Lebanik have benefited by staying on the team to battle through a tough situation instead of quitting?
“Laura sticks to things right to the end,” Patti Lebanik said. “This one was her parents removed her, not that she quit.”
After the team finished its first meet against Antioch, other parents confronted Poulakidas. They were distressed over the coach’s decision to bench gymnasts. It left the team without a full lineup.
One mother, Caralyn Lipschutz, describes her conversation with Poulakidas as amicable. Poulakidas says the parents who spoke to her were unprofessional and some followed her to the team’s bus to continue the confrontation.
The coach, who doesn’t work at the school, resigned after the first meet.
She had support from Athletic Director Gene Curran to hold meetings with the parents and gymnasts to try to resolve the disagreements, Poulakidas says. She also worried about the example she would set in quitting, but went ahead with it because the parental interference “didn’t seem like it was ever going to end.”
Some feared the season would be canceled after Poulakidas resigned, but Curran found a replacement in Kathy Bates, a teacher in the district. Once Poulakidas was replaced, Laura Lebanik rejoined the team.
“In the end, everything has worked out well,” her mother said.
Tangled up and blue
Stagg’s Dillon wishes he had been given the opportunity to meet with parents he angered. Before he resigned as softball coach, Dillon sent the displeased parents a letter, requesting a meeting to clear the air. The parents already had vented their frustrations to administrators and did not respond to Dillon’s request.
There were several parents who supported Dillon, a “rough-around-the-edges kind of person,” said Rita Naumann, whose daughter, Katie, plays shortstop at Stagg.
“But he really is a great coach,” Naumann added. “He probably rubbed someone the wrong way.”
He also upset one parent in the fall when he wrote in a newsletter to his players that some might have a hard time making the lineup, given the team’s talent and depth.
“It was a motivational thing to get them to work harder,” Dillon said. “One parent read it as `My daughter’s not going to play.’ “
Dillon, who had 27 players go on to play college softball, resigned with a seven-year varsity record of 206-63. He had coached at Stagg for 21 years.
Former assistant Missy Mason replaced Dillon, who continues teaching English at the school. Dillon has accepted a job to coach softball at Fenwick this spring.
Like Myers at Lake Forest, Dillon found little support from administrators. Stagg Principal Ross Cucio declined to comment, citing confidentiality.
Speaking in general terms regarding coaches’ conflicts with parents, Dave Fry, the Illinois High School Association’s executive director, said administrators “need to protect coaches and still have high demands of their coaches.”
“Administrators need to build a hedge and say, `You have to get around me to get to the coach,'” Fry said.
Coaches also can do more to avoid conflicts with parents, said Matthew Davidson, a research associate for Notre Dame’s Center for Sport, Character and Culture. Whether the concerns involve scholarships or playing time, coaches should communicate regularly with parents and athletes, he said.
“Time and resources are the reasons people give for not doing it,” Davidson said. “But by doing it, it creates a better feeling for the team. If we are clear with experiences and expectations, many parents will buy into that.”
Parents should evaluate their behavior, especially when it comes to public confrontations and criticism, Davidson suggested.
“Would you want someone to do that to you at your work?” Davidson asked. “If you wouldn’t, the same basic principle applies for the coach.”
IHSA officials have spent countless hours promoting sportsmanship among student-athletes, and Fry wonders whether the organization also should target parents.
“Kids are going to do what they see,” he said. “We’re teaching kids to be selfish and rebellious.”
