Dear Cheryl: I am recently divorced and I’ve met someone new. We’ve been friends for nine months. I want to move forward, but I fear she does not. She sends mixed signals. Sometimes it seems she’s interested in me, sometimes it seems she’s not interested in anyone.
I believe she likes me more than she cares to admit out of fear. She has had two men in the past die on her and one man had a wandering eye.
It’s been two years since she’s been with anyone and, as far as I know, I’m the only man in her life. I believe she is my soul mate.
People tell me she likes me, but I feel something is holding her back. Maybe she feels like a black widow and is trying to save me from her.
I want to ask her how she feels about me, but I don’t want to lose a great friend.
— Ready To Jump Into Her Web
Dear RTJIHW: You’ve got to be honest. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you don’t believe there’s a curse on her and you’d like to prove it. If she’s not interested and the friendship doesn’t endure, so be it.
You’ll make more friends, but you’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t give this relationship a shot.
Good luck and let me know what happens.
Dear Cheryl: I’m 64 and engaged to Mary, 48, whose parents and brother dislike me with a passion. I’m not allowed to attend any functions at her family’s house. She goes without me. I spend holidays alone.
Mary told me that her family would always come first. We’ve been going together for 2 1/2 years. We lived together, but it did not work out. She has dumped me like a hot potato several times, then wanted me back. With all of these problems, our love is fading.
Mary wants to move in with me since we plan on getting married soon. She is exactly like her mother in every way, and that worries me, too. With all the problems, would it be a mistake to do so?
— Having Second and Third Thoughts
Dear HSATT: This is one of those times when you need to listen to your gut. Mary is way too tied to her family to make a commitment to you. She’s too busy being a daughter and sister to be a wife.
Unless you’re willing to play third fiddle (why should you?), you’d be crazy to marry her.
———-
Got a problem? Send it to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611 or e-mail clavin@tribune.com. All names are changed. Letters cannot be considered without name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column. Read Tales from the Front every Sunday in Arts & Entertainment and Tuesday and Thursday in Tempo.
