You’ve got mail!
You sign on to AOL and there’s that chipper voice telling you someone is trying to get in touch with you. The Internet brings people together who might never have had a chance to develop a relationship. And that can be wonderful. Sometimes.
Just after Sharon met Sven, “a rather serious-looking young man,” he told her that he had to go back to his native country because his father had just died. In talking, they learned they had quite a bit in common. Sharon had lived in Sven’s home country for 18 years. She was a teacher and he said he had done some teaching. “I felt a bond with him. When he asked me if we could exchange e-mails, I didn’t hesitate.”
They began an Internet correspondence. Although Sven’s English was choppy, he still managed to ask Sharon some very personal questions. Had she ever been married? Had she ever been seriously involved with anyone?
“I would answer him in my usual honest style. He asked me to keep my eyes open for available teaching assignments for the fall.”
When Sven returned to the United States, he called Sharon and they made a date to see a movie. Sven wanted Sharon to meet him at his home, which she thought was a little odd. It got odder when she got there and went in.
“The first thing that jumped out at me was a highchair. I asked whose it was. He told me he had a child.”
Sharon assumed Sven was divorced. They went to see a movie. After the movie, he again invited her to his house, this time for coffee. That’s when he explained his situation to her. He was separated, involved in a bitter custody battle with his wife, and unemployed.
“During an entire month of e-mailing, while he was asking me personal and intimate questions, it never occurred to him to describe his life to me. But that evening, he poured out his heart. I stayed with him until 1:30 a.m., listening, believing his divorce was imminent. I told myself not to give up on him too soon. When I left, he stroked my head and kissed me on the cheek.”
It seemed to Sharon that she and Sven had shared an intimate moment; that’s why she was so surprised that he didn’t call her for five weeks. She was more surprised when he stood her up after she finally got in touch with him. She was surprised about everything about him.
“Perhaps while he was abroad I should have interrogated him a bit more, but by exchanging e-mail addresses with me, I thought he was available. What confused me was the way he flirted in his e-mails. Was it just an act?”
Charlene, who lives in Florida, spent this past New Year’s Eve in Chicago with some people from Los Angeles. She clicked with one of the guys and they decided to keep in touch.
“We e-mail each other several times a week, in addition to phone calls and instant messages. This has been going on since New Year’s. In two weeks I will be going out to L.A. to see him. I don’t know what’s going to happen between us, but without the Internet, I don’t believe I would be going to visit him. Despite the distance, e-mail allowed us to develop a friendship slowly, without any pressure. We e-mailed for two months before our first phone conversation. And now, in many ways, the Internet has shortened the distance between us. Regardless of the outcome, the Internet has been key in this relationship.”
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You love your partner but you occasionally meet someone who rocks your world. How do you deal with the temptation? Send your tale, along with your relationship questions, to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611, or e-mail clavin@tribune.com. All names are changed. Letters cannot be considered without name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column. Read Tales from the Front every Sunday in Arts & Entertainment and Tuesday and Thursday in Tempo.
