Duke Ellington once said there were only two types of music: good and bad. But what happens when bad music enchants good musicians?
Music history is defined by the greatest albums, the most memorable concerts, the short list of perfectly crafted songs. But pop is the language of pleasure, and not all of those pleasures are profound, meaningful or even very good, at least by the Duke’s demanding standards.
Sometimes it’s the dark secrets that provide the clearest insight into the soul of the artist. Or maybe not. In either case, we thought it would be fun to hear musicians try to defend the indefensible, to justify their love, as it were, for the lousy music that infects their subconscious like a particularly nasty computer virus.
What exactly is a guilty pleasure? Ernie Isley, longtime guitarist in the Isley Brothers, provided the most succinct definition: “Emotional chocolate.” Any grown-up knows that chocolate isn’t “good” for us. But many of us crave it anyway, and regularly indulge. Similarly, seasoned musicians often know which songs are bad for their musical health and development. But sometimes they turn ’em up anyway when no one’s looking. Here are the guilty pleasures that tickle some prominent pop artists, with their explanations.
But first here are five of my own:
Madonna, “The Immaculate Collection”: Barely competent singing, but the tunes can’t be denied, even without the videos.
Ted Nugent, “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”: Despicable misogyny, but the rawwwk doesn’t get much rawer.
The Buoys, “Timothy”: This ultra-catchy 1971 pop hit sounds totally innocuous, until it dawns on the listener that it’s about cannibalism.
Village People, “YMCA”: The most subversive silly song ever? A celebration of gay culture, complete with hand signals that no one can resist.
Naughty by Nature, “O.P.P.”: Another indefensible lyric about booty, but it’s the best wave-’em-like-you-just-don’t-care rap song ever.
— Greg Kot, Tribune rock critic
Paul McCartney
Song: “Don’t You Want Me” by Human League. Why: “Our kids were growing up, and we all thought the way Human League sang `Don’t you want me, baby’ was really cool. I came to one session where I was going to work with Elvis Costello, and I said, ‘This is a great record, I love this!’ And he says, ‘That is exactly what I hate about music.’ So I must say, I did go back into the closet on that one. But I thought they made some great records. It was a great little pop hit, and I just couldn’t help liking it.”
Bjork
Album: “Snowflakes are Dancing” by Tomita (a ’70s synthesizer interpretation of Debussy). Why: “It’s like the soundtrack to ‘Bambi’ and ‘Snow White’ and everyone jumping in the snow together. It’s terrible, yet gorgeous. It’s like having a private marshmallow feast. I recommend it if you’re in love and you want to be in that fluffy cloud and not go off it.”
Tori Amos
Album: “The K&D Sessions” by Kruder and Dorfmeister (German ambient-techno mixers). Why: “That’s yummy — it’s very sexy to me. It’s pleasure for pleasure’s sake. I’m not listening to get my musical chops and see what’s going on. I kick back and take a trip. It’s like ecstasy without the brain fry.”
Ronald Isley
Isley Brothers singer
Song: “Short People” by Randy Newman. Why: “It’s a funny song that me and my brothers would sing in the car on the way from one job to the next. We just could not believe the nerve of a guy to write a song like that — he stepped way over the line. And we couldn’t stop laughing about it.”
Ernie Isley
Isley Brothers guitarist
Song: “Light My Fire” by Jose Feliciano. Why: “When I was in study hall in high school, somebody asked me, ‘Who’s the best guitar player, Jimi Hendrix or Eric Clapton?’ And I said Jose Feliciano. And the reaction was like, ‘Whahhhh!’ But his version of `Light My Fire’ feels like the emotional equivalent of chocolate. I had to play guitar after hearing that.”
Stewart Copeland
Former Police drummer
Song: “Walk Like an Egyptian” by the Bangles. Why: “It’s a fun, goofy track. I love the groove, the humor, the complete who-cares attitude toward musicianship. It means nothing, [it’s] a throwaway piece of puff, a piece of candy, but every time it comes on the radio I like it.”
Laurie Anderson
Song: “Whatever Will Be, Will Be (Que Sera, Sera)” by Doris Day. Why: “I have a weird happy memory of Doris Day standing at the top of the stairs singing her heart out [in the film `The Man Who Knew Too Much’]. She was not embarrassed about singing this stupid song. If you sing it like you mean it, it’s quite beautiful.”
Janet Jackson
Song: “Dalmatian Plantation” from the original 1961 soundtrack to “101 Dalmatians.” Why: “That was the first record I ever had as a kid. So when I hear ‘Dalmatian Plantation,’ I have to sing with it, no matter where I am. The dogs harmonize at the end. Michael [Jackson] actually brought that up just the other day, and it took me right back. He said, ‘You ran that song right into the ground, it used to make people sick.’ “
Bryan Ferry
Song: “Goodbye to Love” by The Carpenters. Why: “There is a fantastic guitar solo at the end. I like the girl’s voice. It’s a schmaltzy tune but very compelling somehow.”
Rufus Wainwright
Song: “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” by Marilyn Monroe. Why: “I sing along in the mirror, and dress up. Marilyn Monroe is an amazing singer, but she had to sing these ridiculous songs — the irony of it all. Some of those no-holds-barred arrangements in the ’50s were such schmaltz. But this is definitely better than the version Nicole Kidman [did for `Moulin Rouge’].”
Billy Corgan
Song: “Pop” by ‘N Sync Why: “It’s sort of the antithesis of [the Smashing Pumpkins’] `Cherub Rock,’ which was saying, `I don’t want your indie-rock b.s. I want to do it my way.’ They’re saying the same thing: `We want to be perfect, with great teeth, and we don’t mind people dressing us. We’re into it! We know we’re shallow.’ I thought it was pretty cool.”
Moby
Album: “Country Grammar” by Nelly. Why: “My friends are embarrassed for me liking it because it’s just so commercial. It’s a great record, but one would be hard-pressed to make a case that he’s as serious as some of the underground artists my friends love.”
Steve Albini
Producer
Song: “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by the Proclaimers (the sole hit from Scottish duo). Why: “I do my best to get everybody in the room singing along when that song comes on. I love that song, even though it’s obvious, done-to-death bar music. I like the sentiment, the wordplay. Their voices sound absurd with that bizarre Scottish accent. And the word `haver’ appears in it. How can you not like a song with the word haver in it?”
Tom Petty
Soundtrack: “Blue Hawaii” by Elvis Presley. Why: “It really drives the whole house crazy. I had that record when I was a little kid, and I really liked it. Now it’s the nostalgia that appeals to me. It’s not a great album. I listen to ‘GI Blues’ too. That was the first album I ever bought, so I still know every song on it. I could groove to it now. Not many people want to join in.”
Paul Oakenfold
British dance deejay
Album: “Saturday Night Fever” by the Bee Gees. Why: “I suppose some of it is cheesy, because that’s how some people feel about the Bee Gees. But I thought they were amazing songwriters. They made incredible music for that period. If you listened to that record at that time, it was cool. If you listen to it now, I still think it’s good, though the Bee Gees are not the most credible act in the world.”
Nelly Furtado
Album: “Vuelve” by Ricky Martin. Why: “It’s his last Spanish-language CD. I can vouch for Spanish Ricky Martin. It’s got really great vocals. I’m a sucker for some good vocals, Spanish or any language. I also really like Selena. I have this soft spot for really sweet ballads. And I liked Jon Secada when I was younger.”
Jimi Goodwin
Doves singer
Album: The prog-metal classic “Hemispheres” by Rush. Why: “As a kid, I was quite impressed with their musicianship. For a three-piece they made an impressive sound. To a kid, that was heaven, despite the non-sensical lyrics about trees. I get ribbing about it now.”
Dave Wyndorf
Monster Magnet singer
Album: “Journey to the Center of the Earth” by Yes keyboardist Rick Wakeman. Why: “It is about the most godawful record I’ve ever heard, and yet I’m drawn to it. It’s so bad, I have to feel it. It’s one giant song, an adaptation of the famous science-fiction novel with narration and a choir singing stuff like, `The giant turtle fights the dinosaur …’ “
Vinnie Paul
Pantera drummer
Artist: Christina Aguilera Why: “She sings her butt off. She’s a very talented person and I enjoy listening to it. It ain’t hard rock or heavy metal, but she’s good at what she does.”
Rodney Crowell
Song: “The Ballad of Davy Crockett” by Fess Parker. Why: “It would be embarrassing if people knew how my daughter and I ride in the car and sing it. She’s 12 now, but we’ve been singing it since she was 6, like Snoopy on the top of his doghouse, our heads thrown back, singing at the top of our lungs.”
Chris Connelly
Formerly of Revolting Cocks
Album: “Aja” by Steely Dan. Why: “In my [postpunk] generation, to say you love Steely Dan was tantamount to saying you were a Satan worshiper. But I never get tired of ‘Aja.’ Donald Fagen is a hilarious poet. Steely Dan is a couple of slimy, dirty old men, and they are very honest about that. There’s incest, sex and drugs on that record and it won a Grammy. They’re way more outrageous than Eminem could ever hope to be, but they just don’t make a fuss about it.”
Robyn Hitchcock
Song: 1975 disco hit “Rock Your Baby” by George McCrae. Why: “It’s a guilty pleasure only because it is so deep in the past. At the time it was just dreadful. But now it sounds quaint, and polite and romantic. And the frightening thing is that in 20 years’ time we’ll probably think the same about Eminem.”
Amy Ray
Indigo Girls singer/guitarist
Album: “Hotel California” by the Eagles. Why: “I wasn’t embarrassed when I first loved it, but now I am. I listen to those songs now and cringe, but inside I’m still gleeful. The whole concept — the cocaine, the girls, the California macho-guy thing. This will never make the feminist recommended list. But the songs are so great, I keep coming back to it.”
The Edge
U2 guitarist
Song: “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees. Why: “I do think the Bee Gees have gotten a really bad rap, unjustifiably. Maybe the haircuts were too much for folks to handle. I like some of the songs people might consider the cheesiest, like `Stayin’ Alive.’ It’s got an amazing bass line. I would draw the line at ‘How Deep is Your Love,’ however. I don’t think I can go there.”
Thom Yorke
Radiohead singer
Album: “Zeit” by Tangerine Dream (an early ’70s album from the German synthesizer band). Why: “I have an embarrassing liking for some ambient stuff. There are some Julian Cope records under the pseudonym ‘Queen Elizabeth’ that I play a lot because I see shapes when I listen to them. I worship Julian Cope. And Tangerine Dream’s ‘Zeit,’ which has titles like ‘Origin of Supernatural Probabilities’ — it’s the only record that completely switches my brain off.”
Andre Benjamin
OutKast singer
Song: “U Can’t Touch This” by M.C. Hammer. Why: “Everybody disses Hammer, but I used to love Hammer. I still love Hammer. He made some nice, catchy tunes.”
Dave Gahan
Depeche Mode singer
Song: “Gudbuy T’Jane” by Slade, the ’70s glam-metal band Why: “I was a member of the Slade fan club. I still play air guitar to their songs, and anything from the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin to Jane’s Addiction. I’m a bit of a closet guitarist. They have it so much easier, don’t they?”
Stephen Malkmus
Formerly of Pavement
Song: Steve Miller, “Take the Money and Run” Why: “Band three of the ‘Fly Like an Eagle’ eight-track is incredible. It has ‘Take the Money and Run’ and ‘Rockin’ Me,’ back to back. And it puts everyone in a good mood. I’ve actually got an eight-track player in the house, in my kitchen, to play it on. We’ll have parties and we dance to that every time it comes on. We do this ‘Go on, take the money and run’ dance. You grab the money from someone, then run around the house, and pass it to another person. It helps if you’re drinking.”
Julian Casablancas
The Strokes singer
Song: “When the Children Cry” by ’80s hair-metal band White Lion. Why: “It gives me good memories, but it’s a terrible, terrible song. It came on the radio today while we were driving, and I didn’t want to change the channel. It’s vaguely a save-the-world type of power ballad, and White Lion did them the worst of anybody.”
