Suzanne Ecklund says she usually forgets her New Year’s resolutions within the first five minutes of the new year.
And when she doesn’t forget, she cheats. For instance, a couple of years ago she gave up swearing (sort of . . . really, she merely limited herself to three swear words per day). The restriction was too, well, strict.
“I was having a really hard time with it and so decided that if I went over my allotted three, I could borrow words from the future,” says Ecklund, a 37-year-old Chicago Web site manager. “In the beginning, it wasn’t too bad. I had just borrowed through the following Tuesday. But then, I was so far in swearer’s debt that I could see I wouldn’t be able to pay it all off until about May 2006. So, I declared swearer’s bankruptcy.”
This scenario probably sounds familiar to many of you (with a few vocabulary substitutions). In fact, according to psychologist Robert R. Butterworth, 80 percent of people who make New Year’s resolutions break them by Jan. 20.
The Los Angeles-based Butterworth has studied the resolution process and says our New Year’s goals fail for three reasons: We make too many; they are too long-range and all encompassing; and they are too unrealistic or dramatic.
For Jennifer Merluzzi, 30, giving up dessert was unrealistic.
Last year, the Chicago-based management consultant resolved to only eat dessert once a week. Once a week became once a day, which quickly became not with all three meals a day.
“Eventually, it was not with all three meals a day unless it was provided for me not of my own volition–like if someone brought doughnuts to work in the morning, I had to eat one to be polite,” Merluzzi says.
This thought process is common, Butterworth says, adding that the result is that people feel even worse than when they initially made the resolution.
“Most people make the same New Year’s resolutions year after year with no discernable results. It’s stressful problem-solving with everyone watching,” he says.
Experts agree: The first step in making resolutions stick is to make one at a time.
“Your chances of success are greater if you pick a single resolution and really focus your efforts on sticking with it,” says psychologist Karen Steinberg, of the University of Connecticut Health Center. “Trying to make too many changes at one time can lead to failure,” she says.
From there, be positive and realistic–which means expecting some amount of failure. Here are some tips to help you along the way:
– Don’t base a resolution on the calendar. Tamara Sher, assistant professor of psychology at Illinois Institute of Technology’s Institute of Psychology,says that limiting resolution-making to the new year forces you to think in the short term (e.g., “Come Jan. 1, I will give up all snacking between meals”).
“In many cases, people have not made the necessary commitment to change for the long run,” Sher explains.
– Think about the resolution in advance. “People who think about their resolutions ahead of time tend to be more successful keeping them than people who make one on the spur of the moment,” says Steinberg. “Set the date and psych yourself up as it approaches.”
This rules out the ever-popular, impromptu resolution-making on New Year’s Eve. And for good reason.
Kirsten Carlo, a 29-year-old business coach in Chicago, once made a resolution to not drink so much alcohol during a New Year’s Eve party. The next day, she promptly violated her resolution: “Nothing like a good Bloody Mary to cure a hangover,” she explains.
– Create an attainable goal. Instead of a 360-degree change, aim toward more of a 45-degree achievable one, Butterworth advises. “Remember, if you attempt major changes in personality, you’ll fail without help,” he says.
Instead, pick a reasonable resolution. “Stating that you want to `lose 20 pounds in a week’ will not help you achieve your goal–it will only move you closer to failure,” says Charles Platkin, author of “Breaking the Pattern” (Red Mill Press, February 2002).
Shantelle Thomas, 27, a Vernon Hills actuary, says she finally understands this concept. This year, her resolution is to lower her cholesterol by changing her diet. “I’m kind of proud that my resolution is based on trying to be healthy and not on trying to look better or different,” she says.
– Write it down. While Platkin was doing research for his book, he read a study on goal setting, which found that people who write down their goals have a significantly greater chance of achieving them in the long run.
“So, I sat down and wrote out my short-, medium- and long-range goals,” he says. “I included specific tactics and strategies about how I would attain those goals. I must admit, I started the process as an experiment, doing research for the book, but once I started, I was amazed at how exciting it was to dream about my future. I wrote about having a family, a house by a lake, writing a book.”
– Plan your strategy. Develop some substitutes for the behavior you’re trying to change, Steinberg advises. “If quitting smoking is the goal, stock up on sugar-free gum, carrots or celery,” she says. “If you are trying to lose weight, get rid of the junk food in your cupboards and get some low-calorie snacks to have on hand. Take up a hobby, like needlework, to keep yourself busy.”
Platkin says we should think of reaching goals as a long road trip, and plan accordingly.
“If you wanted to go to Saskatchewan, and jumped in your car and started driving from Chicago, you might get to Saskatchewan at some point, but without a map, knowing how long it will take to get there, how many nights you’ll be staying on the road, and many other questions–the likelihood of getting to Saskatchewan is not very strong,” he explains.
– Create incentives. Plan long-term awards for sticking to your resolution, Sher advises, “such as a new outfit if your goal was to exercise more and you’re still exercising in April,” she says.
– Come up with “Excuse Busters.” Write down all the excuses that might prevent you from achieving your goals, Platkin advises. “Then, bust them with a reason why that excuse is not legitimate,” he says.
“For example, you want to exercise more, but you are always tired,” he explains. “Your excuse buster is that walking outside will give you more energy. If it is raining, your `Plan B’ will be to do an exercise video indoors.”
– Use visualization as a motivator. Think of every detail (emotional and physical) of what it will be like once you achieve your goal. “For example, if weight loss is your goal, imagine a thinner, healthier you running into your ex-spouse at the mall,” Platkin suggests.
– Measure change in small amounts–but measure it. Do not count the number of days that you have failed, but the number that you succeed, Butterworth says, adding that monitoring your progress will keep your motivation high.
Merluzzi, for instance, says she kept a resolution to run 50 miles a week by keeping a daily mileage calendar.
“Measuring helps me stay reasonable and not pick some impossible resolution that you have no chance of keeping–like getting elected as the next U.S. president.”
