Chicago’s aldermen expressed anguish and astonishment last week when they learned they had named a stretch of North Avers Avenue after the late ex-con, ex-precinct captain Hyman Tucker. Why, they wondered, didn’t somebody tell us before we did such a humiliating thing?
Oh, they should have known.
A few years ago they named a stretch of West 16th Street after one of their own, the late, former Ald. William “Big Bill” Henry. There was only a slight difference between Tucker and Henry. Tucker was convicted of ghost-payrolling; Henry was under indictment on bribery and corruption charges when he died in 1992. But every member of the council had had a bird’s-eye view of Henry’s way of doing business before they voted to honor him with a street.
So now, predictably, the City Council is full of talk about reforming the process of giving honorary names to the streets in town.
Well, maybe Chicago’s streets aren’t ready for reform. Chicago has a long history of sometimes deliberate ignorance of its rich criminal history. Chicagoans are known to relish these moral incongruities, even take some pride in them.
Instead, the City Council should see this as a chance to make a buck.
Sell the honorary street names to the highest bidder.
There would be no reason to settle on just one honorary name for each street. The city could rig street signs with rotating message boards like the ones you see at courtside at the Bulls games. The honorary name would change every five minutes.
For Uncle Nick’s birthday, the nieces and nephews could cobble together $1,000 and change a stretch of Foster Avenue to Nicholas Lane for the day.
The city has about 1,000 honorary street names, from A G Beth Israel Way on Devon to Zum Deutschen Eck Strasse on Southport. Some of the names, such as Walter Payton Place on South Lake Shore Drive, are a little more recognizable than say, Winkle Lee Avenue on South Calumet.
This naming has been going on for nearly 40 years and in one year, 1998, a total of 103 honorary street designations were doled out. The possibilities, while not limitless, surely should make the city’s budget planners swell with optimism.
But, while we’re thinking about it, why should this great idea be limited to the city streets?
What a thrill it would be to fly into Hyman Tucker International Airport.
