Dear Miss Manners: I think it would be nice for Miss Manners to go over the issue of how to address the female physician, socially and professionally.
My pet peeve is to be addressed as Mrs. Curall, especially since I never changed my name, ever, even when I was married, which I am not, thankfully, now.
Being a hyphenated American, I feel that this is a way for a non-hyphenated American, the usual offender, to put one down. How do you think I should handle this?
I appreciate Miss Manners helping the medical profession out this way. I am sure one of us will be of great service to Miss Manners in the future. But not too soon, I hope, for Miss Manners’ sake.
Gentle Reader: She thanks you for the kind offer and thought, and assures you that it would not be necessary in this case for you to be introduced to her socially as a doctor. If she managed to stay on her feet, she would not dream of pumping you for medical information at a party; and if she were sinking into a state of emergency, she would hope that a doctor would volunteer herself, rather than watch this coldly from the distance as revenge against not receiving her proper due.
It is true that a medical doctor uses her title socially, although Mrs. is also a respectable title, and some choose to use that socially while being Dr. professionally.
But it is even truer that few people use titles at all in addressing each other, and even those who do have little regard for the nicety of getting it right. One may say gently, once or even twice, “actually Curall is my maiden name, not my former husband’s, and I’m a doctor,” but it is as uncharitable to assume an intentional insult — and an ethnic or racial insult, no less — as it is to express public thanks at having rid oneself of one’s husband.
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Send etiquette questions to Miss Manners, c/o the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
