Dear Ann Landers: I cannot confide in anyone I know, so I’m hoping you will help me out. I used to work for a large company and often did business with a nice salesman I’ll call “Dwayne.” Dwayne was an attractive man, but he was married and had three children. Although we often met for lunch or dinner meetings, I never thought twice about getting involved with him. We were friendly, but it was strictly business, and nothing ever happened between us.
Last year, I found a new job with another company. After two months, Dwayne called and suggested we meet for dinner to “catch up.” After dinner, we went to a club and had a few drinks. Dwayne confided that his wife had been cheating on him and they were separated. I got a little tipsy and started behaving stupidly. I don’t really remember much after that, but Dwayne was a true gentleman. He took me home, and I passed out after he left.
I am so embarrassed by my behavior I don’t know what to do. Now that Dwayne may be available, I find myself thinking about him constantly. I worry that he considers me a drunken idiot who cannot control herself. I have written him an e-mail, apologizing for my appalling behavior, but he hasn’t responded. I want to make sure that our friendship will continue and his opinion of me improves.
Should I write him again? Is it too late to make amends? Please give me some of your sage advice.
— No More Drinks in Illinois
Dear Illinois: Your signature is good advice. I say, write Dwayne one more time and apologize again. If he doesn’t respond, forget about him and move on.
Dear Ann Landers: I have been fishing buddies with “Frank” for almost 20 years. Two years ago, Frank became quite ill, and I began spending a lot of time with him and his family. In the process, I became friendly with his wife. One thing led to another, and we had an affair.
I felt terribly guilty, and so did she, and we broke it off after a few months. I even sought counseling to get over it. Meanwhile, Frank’s condition is now terminal, and he will probably die soon. I cannot bring myself to go to his funeral. After all, I betrayed him. However, his children may be hurt if I don’t show up, and there might be questions if I’m not there. Please tell me what to do. I am . . .
— Guilty in Dallas, Texas
Dear Guilty: Your absence at the funeral will create more problems than it will solve. Put aside your guilt for the day, and fulfill your obligation to Frank by showing up at his funeral and paying your respects.
Dear Ann Landers: I have three children under the age of 5. My husband and I adore them, and their grandparents love them to distraction. The problem is my husband’s brother and his wife. Whenever the children are around, “Bryan and Ethel” barely acknowledge them. The children love to be held, and often crawl all over their aunt and uncle to play, but neither Bryan nor Ethel will pick them up or say a kind word. They treat the children as if they are unwanted pets. I am tired of putting up with these self-absorbed people. What should I say to them to make them more loving relatives to my children?
— San Diego Mother
Dear San Diego: Too many loving parents think their children are so adorable, no one can resist them. This is usually not the case. Your children should not be crawling all over people, and Bryan and Ethel do not have to admire them. Stop forcing the children on the relatives, and perhaps when they are old enough to carry on a conversation, the relationship will improve.
