Chances are few musicians will go away empty-handed from Wednesday’s Grammy Awards show (7 p.m. on CBS). This year there are 101 categories, including Best Traditional Tropical Latin Album, Best Engineered Album (non-classical) and Best Country Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal. Only 101? Tempo’s Academy of Artistic Self-Congratulation proposes a few new categories:
– Best Rock Album that Does Not Ape Limp Bizkit or Have a Bad Cover Song on It.
– Best Song That Milks the Nation’s Dwindling Patriotic Sensibility.
– Best Song Without Gwen Stefani On It.
– Best Rap-Metal Performance with Sensitive-Guy Lyrics.
– Best Right-Channel Producer.
– Best Left-Channel Producer.
– Best Album By a Fading Superstar (possible nominees: Mick Jagger, Michael Jackson, Paul McCartney).
– Best Double Dipping (U2’s “Beautiful Day” single won an award last year — but its album “All That You Can’t Leave Behind,” which was released after the single, is up for several Grammys this year. Go figure).
