If apes could talk, would the apes at the Lincoln Park Zoo ask for a new house? The one they already have is so dandy that they . . . well . . . they reproduce in healthy numbers there, which as all primates know, is one sign you’re comfortable.
But it is a little dark, being mostly underground. That was considered inventive when the place opened in 1976, but it’s viewed as a tad uncomfortable now.
So the zoo is spending $25 million for a new Great Ape House. The plans go before the City Plan Commission in the next few days. It’s a big, boxy structure, full of light and fresh air. The new ape place also will have escape-proof yards, which means the chimps will be going out of doors for the first time.
The challenge for the architectural firm of Lohan Caprile Goettsch, which also produced the controversial design for the new Soldier Field, has been to bring the space up to modern ape-keeping standards and still keep it comfortable for, well, ape romancing, if you know what we mean. Perhaps Sinatra tapes?
Welcome Russia!
Finally, someone can pound a stake through the heart of the central planning mythology that wrecked Russia for so many decades. The United States, the biggest market economy of them all, has now decided that Russia, too, has a “market economy.”
Why does this matter?
U.S. Commerce Secretary Don Evans says the designation “reflects the tremendous economic changes that Russia has made over the last decade” in privatizing many markets and turning away from communism. That will enhance Russia’s chances at getting into the World Trade Organization, the 144-member body that regulates world commerce.
Morale down, receipts up
The New York Archdiocese says despite the sex scandal plaguing the Roman Catholic Church, it was a banner year for its annual fund drive.
The donation campaign had raised $13.44 million as of midweek. The campaign will run through June and is likely to reach its goal of $15 million.
There had been concern that the church would run into trouble with fundraising in the wake of reports that some 225 priests have resigned or been dismissed in the sex scandal.
Send money now
Chicago United Way says it has to cut funding to non-profit health and human service agencies in the city by 19 percent because of a slump in donations.
The cutback is coming on top of reductions in state and federal grants to non-profits, too, which United Way CEO Brian Hassett says is “like a `perfect storm’ in some respects. What’s happening is all the major funding sources are struggling or cutting and the agencies’ demands are going up.”
Because suburban United Ways get a bigger slice of the money, there is less pressure there and the 270 agencies supported by the campaign are being funded at roughly the same level as last year.
Just quit
Well, cigarettes are now going to cost $7,500 a pack.
Just kidding.
But state cigarette taxes are going up by 40 cents a pack, which means smokers will be paying $9.80 in total state taxes on each carton. The money will be used to help bail out the state budget.
What it means is you’ll be dropping maybe $5 a pack downtown and a bit less in the burbs.
Upon quitting, a pack-a-day smoker would save enough money each month to rent or buy a little Volkswagen, have a couple of really good meals, or save up for retirement–an especially good idea since you’d most likely be living longer.
