– CRAZY WITH A “Z”
Too bad no one taped a reality-TV show about Liza Minnelli and husband David Gest’s preparations to star in their ill-fated VH-1 reality TV show. The whole project went kablooey with charges and countercharges of disrespectful and eccentric behavior between the couple and network, with Minnelli and Gest this month suing VH-1 for $23 million for breach of contract. Our favorite incident came in the fall when VH-1 officials complained that Liza and David were delaying the start of production because they were spending too much time rehearsing.
– NEXT GIG: SPOKESMAN FOR KRAFT CHEESE AND MACARONI
Paul McCartney cemented his claim as The Superficial Beatle as he revived his campaign to change the credit of certain Lennon-McCartney songs to McCartney-Lennon, which is how he listed them on his “Back in the U.S.” live package. Previously he’d gotten mad at John Lennon widow Yoko Ono for not allowing him to reverse the official songwriting credit on his Beatles composition “Yesterday.” Dude, you just turned 60, not 6.
– AT WHICH POINT EVERYONE STARTED YELLING, “FREEBIRRRRRRD!”
Self-important singer Ryan Adams was sooooo incensed that an audience member would have the temerity, the chutzpah, to yell out a joke request for Bryan Adams’ “Summer of ’69” at an October concert in Nashville that the sometimes-boozy artiste began swearing, ordered on the house lights, gave the fan a $30 refund and said he wouldn’t continue playing until the man left. The auditorium’s apologetic general manager let the fan re-enter, free of charge.
– IMAGINE HIS MOOD IF “8 MILE” HAD STUNK
Poor Eminem. You’d think being the country’s biggest recording star and winning a bunch of MTV Video Music Awards would bring a smile to the sour rapper’s face, but no. … Not only did Eminem interrupt one of his acceptance speeches to call Moby a “little girl” and tell him, “I will hit a man with glasses,” but he also shoved Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, who, it must be noted, is a puppet.
– THE MORAL EQUIVALENT OF EXPLOITING A RETARDED CHILD
“The Anna Nicole Show.”
– HERE’S ANOTHER CLUE FOR YOU ALL: THE NIMROD WAS PAUL
McCartney, though in fine voice on his 2002 tours, gave a hint of his stunning superficiality when he botched the lyrics to “You Never Give Me Your Money” early in the tour and, upon noticing how much the crowd enjoyed this spontaneous moment, repeated the gaffe every night at the same point.
– I’M NOT A BOOZER, BUT I PLAY ONE ON TV
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow may be a teetotaler yoga fanatic with a strict macrobiotic diet, but that didn’t stop her from accepting a reported $1.9 million to shoot commercials for Martini & Rossi alcoholic drinks to be shown overseas. See, it’s OK to be, shall we say, inconsistent as long as it’s away from home.
– “I’D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS NEXT SONG, `BOY WITH A PROBLEM,’ TO MYSELF”
Speaking of cranky rock stars, Elvis Costello repeatedly cursed out WXRT-FM 93 deejay Lin Brehmer from the stage during his Oct. 17 Chicago Theatre show, calling him something that rhymes with “trucker” and dedicating “You Little Fool” to him. Brehmer’s offense? His emcee introduction interrupted the Costello-chosen incidental music featuring Chieftains harpist Derek Bell, who had just died. No matter that Costello hadn’t bothered to tell even his own crew members, who told Brehmer when to take the stage, about his little tribute.
– 2002 MOVIES EXUDING AN ESPECIALLY FISHY SMELL
“The Adventures of Pluto Nash,” “Rollerball,” “Swept Away,” “Adam Sandler’s 8 Crazy Nights,” “Stealing Harvard,” “Swimfan,” “Scooby-Doo,” “Mr. Deeds,” “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever,” “Death to Smoochy.”
– “AND IF I DON’T GET A PRIME PARKING PLACE, THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON”
WBBM-AM morning news reader Felicia Middlebrooks tried to get her annual salary raised from $350,000 (significantly more than male co-anchor Pat Cassidy was being paid) to $600,000 by playing the race and gender cards in a secret e-mail campaign asking friends for support: “It is important that I get a fair and equitable contract — or this could have very serious and negative long-term ramifications for women and/or minorities who want to succeed me. If I am removed, so will a necessary and vital voice for both women and minorities.” The e-mail was leaked to the Sun-Times, and Middlebrooks, after a few days off the job, enlisted the Rev. Jesse Jackson to help her land a new contract that reportedly included small annual raises.
– ACTUALLY, SHE’S JUST A “CLUTCH CARGO” FAN
Greta Van Susteren jumped from CNN to host a legal-affairs show on the Fox News Channel and, to beef up her journalistic cred, got cosmetic surgery that makes her look like her face was frozen like one of those petrified kids in “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.”
– THE FASHION TREND THAT PROVES HOLLYWOOD IS FULL OF “CLUTCH CARGO” FANS
Botox.
– IF THOSE EXECS EVER HOST A POKER GAME, LET US IN
WBBM-FM, a.k.a. B-96, pulled its morning duo of Eddie Volkman and Joe Bohannon off the air in March in an effort to force them to renew their contract early. Instead, rival contemporary hits station WKSC-FM 103.5 made a play for Eddie and JoBo, and B-96 wound up forking over a whopping $3 million annually to keep the pair, which had been fired by that same station in 1994 for making defamatory comments about newscaster Joan Esposito that cost Infinity Broadcasting a reported $1 million settlement.
– “FOR THE TRANSITION, COULD YOU FIND ME A ’60S SONG WITH THE NAME HAROLD IN IT?”
Former rock deejay-turned-Fox morning news host Bob Sirott was taken aback by the alarmist reactions to the news that he would be taking over WTTW’s seriously civic-minded “Chicago Tonight.” Then he preceded a panel discussion marking the 15th anniversary of Chicago Mayor Harold Washington’s death with a live conversation with the director of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line.
– HEY, WEREN’T THOSE SOLDIER FIELD SEATS ORANGE, TOO?
Sure, the city had given the 1927 former home of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange an “orange” rating — which translates to near-landmark status for structures that have played an important role in Chicago history — but that didn’t stop the city’s Building Department from issuing a permit to demolish the limestone building at Franklin and Washington Streets. Realizing that it’s bad form for one department to be signing death sentences for buildings that another department is trying to protect, Mayor Daley has revised the rules — but not in time to save the old Merc.
– IT WAS THE SALMON MOUSSE . . .
Fallen superagent/Disney movie boss/talent manager Mike Ovitz imploded in a Vanity Fair interview, blaming his downfall on Hollywood’s “Gay Mafia” rather than his own reputation as an arrogant bully who painted an enormous bull’s-eye on his own chest.
– WE’RE NOT GOING THERE. IT’S JUST TOO EASY.
Michael “Wacko Jacko” Jackson.
– MAYBE IF THEY RENAMED IT LYRIC SPORTS TALK . . .
After 29 years, Lyric Opera suspended its local and nationally syndicated radio broadcasts because of a loss of sponsorship. Thus the opera company joined the Chicago Symphony Orchestra (which lost its 25-year radio broadcast series in September 2001) as an orphan of the airwaves.
– I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME HERE!
A jangling cell phone owned by an audience member attending a New York Philharmonic concert caused the conductor, Sakari Oramo, to abruptly halt the concert in midstream. Reports failed to reveal whether the miscreant was taken out behind Lincoln Center and given a merciless thrashing.
– FEATURING THE HIT “OOPS, I VIDEOTAPED SEX WITH A MINOR”
Chicago-based R&B singer R. Kelly was arrested in June and pleaded not guilty to 21 child-pornography charges stemming from a videotape allegedly showing him having some rather unconventional sexual relations with a teenage girl. He later shelved the release of a new album, “Loveland,” because its lyrics were said to have awkward new meanings in light of his legal troubles.
– IF YOU CAN’T STEAL ‘EM, JOIN ‘EM
We’d be too sick of Winona Ryder to mention her, but we can’t resist noting that fashion designer Marc Jacobs has signed on the troubled waif to model his clothing. One of the items Ryder was convicted of shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue was an $825 Marc Jacobs top.
– WHERE’S R. KELLY WHEN YOU NEED HIM?
Reality TV reached its classy apex on “Survivor: Marquesas” when competitor John pricked his hand on a sea urchin and tribemate Kathy alleviated the sting by peeing on the wound.
– COMING NEXT SEASON: “MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING: THE OPERA”
Lyric Opera pulled productions of two important, seldom-heard operas, “Benvenuto Cellini” and “L’Amore dei Tre Re,” from its 2003-’04 schedule, replacing them with operas that would be less expensive to produce and — so the company hopes — more appealing to a wider audience. Not that ticket prices are being scaled back accordingly . . .
