Dear Annie: You have printed a lot of letters from women looking for a nice guy. Well, I’m a nice guy, middle-age and educated. I have learned the hard way that women today don’t give the nice guys a chance, so I am interested in mail-order brides and hope you can help me.
Many women from foreign countries want a better life, and marrying an American man is one way to do it. Have your readers heard of any successes with this endeavor? How about the women from other countries who are now here? Have they adjusted, and are they glad they married these men?
Frankly, I am running out of ways to find a woman and figured this would be my next step.
— The Last Nice Guy in S.W. Virginia
Dear Nice Guy: Your next step — or the last resort? Some of these marriages probably work out fine — provided you don’t mind a relationship with someone who married you only for your money or connections. You certainly don’t need a mail-order bride to get that kind of arrangement.
There are plenty of nice women looking for nice men, but you have to search in the right places and be willing to date women who are not like the idealized versions we see on TV and in magazines. Don’t give up.
Dear Annie: I am 45 years old and the mother of a 2-year-old boy. I am a little older than many mothers of toddlers, because it took years of trying before my husband and I could have a child. We are thrilled to be parents.
My question is, how do I respond when people say, “You have such a beautiful grandson”? I don’t look older than my age, and a lot of women have babies in their 40s. Can you please tell folks if they aren’t sure of the relationship, to err on the side of flattery? If they are wrong, and the person is the child’s grandparent, this will make their day.
— Not the Grandmother in Ontario, Canada
Dear Mom: In this day and age, it’s surprising anyone would assume a woman (or a man, for that matter), regardless of age, is the grandparent. So many people delay having children, not to mention those young grandparents who are in their late 30s or early 40s, that it is impossible to determine the relationship based on looks alone. Respond politely by saying, “Thank you for the compliment. This is my son.” It will ensure that the person will not make the same mistake again.
Dear Annie: I was recently invited to a bridal shower for a friend of mine. The invitation was issued via telephone, and the caller said the shower was going to be held at a local restaurant.
I purchased a nice gift and was told at the restaurant to order whatever I wished off the menu. As soon as the bride left the room, the hostess announced loudly that everyone had to chip in $45 to pay for the meal. I was surprised at being charged for attending a shower, but I passed along all the money I had on me, which turned out to be $40. When the hostess loudly complained, “Someone didn’t give me enough,” the woman next to me was kind enough to loan me $5.
Tell me, Annie, is this the way people throw bridal showers these days, or am I out of touch?
— California Reader
Dear California: This wasn’t a shower, it was a shakedown. Hostesses are responsible for all the costs of giving the shower, including the food. If they cannot spring for a lavish affair, they should have something more affordable and not expect the guests to foot the bill.
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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@attbi.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
