Dear Harlan,
This is heavy, but I just found out that my dad is having an affair. I’m pretty sure my mom suspects something, but I don’t think she actually knows. I have hinted to him that I know, but he ignores me.
What makes it even worse is that my mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer a couple weeks ago. I don’t know if I should tell her, or let things keep going as they are. Every time I see my dad, I want to punch him, so it’s not a good situation.
Secret Keeper
Dear Secret Keeper,
No child should EVER have to carry such a heavy burden–so stop carrying it. If protecting your mom from the truth means betraying her trust, then share the truth. In the meantime, approach your dad. Stop hinting, and talk to him. Tell him how his affair is affecting you. When to tell your mom is the big question. And for that, you might choose to wait until the initial shock of the cancer subsides.
Dear Harlan,
My two best friends both just got boyfriends. They’re always with them, because these boys supposedly don’t have any other friends to hang out with. So, at school it’s basically me as the fifth wheel, and it really is no fun. I feel left out. I’ve told them about this, but also, I don’t want to get in between their relationships.
Lonely
Dear Lonely,
I’ve been a third wheel, a fifth wheel and a second wheel. But things always change. At school, try to get involved in something that offers a group experience.
Ask your friends to put together a bigger group once in a while. Also, make one night a weekend a “friend night” and the other a date night. But stick around for a while. Give it a few months. Before you know it, it will be time to rotate the tires.
Harlan@helpmeharlan.com.
For more, chicagotribune.com/advice.
