Dear Harlan,
The other day, I checked an old e-mail account that I had used to enroll as a member in the online dating service Match.com. Although I no longer subscribe, they still send me potential matches with pictures and profiles. Oddly enough, a guy I met, who later abused me, was back in my inbox as a potential love match. My stomach sank when I saw his profile posted online again. The thought of him doing this to another woman makes me sick. (By the way, I have a restraining order against him.)
I feel like I should tell the folks at Match.com that they have an abuser on their hands, but legally, I don’t know if I can do that. Obviously, I don’t want to give this guy a reason to bother me again. I’m already in counseling, yet I would feel horrible knowing that I’m giving this guy a venue to prey on other women.
Any thoughts?
Protecting the Public
Dear Protecting,
Abusers are all over the place–not just online. It’s awesome that you got away from him and took action. For those still in abusive relationships: Please GET AWAY. There is NEVER an excuse for the abuse. NEVER.
As for what to do next, I spoke to Trish McDermott, vice president of corporate communication for Match.com (also called the VP of Romance). She suggested that you report the incident and send an e-mail to abuse@match.com. Each case is investigated on an individual basis, and action can be taken if warranted. Also worth mentioning, she said that information such as yours would be kept confidential.
Even if they do remove him, he’ll still probably find a way to find someone new to abuse. And even sadder, some women won’t run away, like you did.
———-
Harlan@helpmeharlan.com.
For more, chicagotribune.com/advice.
