Unless you’ve come from a planet beyond the Milky Way, you know that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, which means that we think, feel and act differently, says the man behind this theory, author John Gray.
But we wonder: Does this difference manifest itself in choosing a house or has sharing planet Earth caused the sexes to favor similar choices?
To find out, we asked real estate experts, single men and women who don’t need anyone’s approval, and Gray, who has owned three homes, but always as a married man.
Their answers corroborate our hunch. Differences abound based on gender, plus economics, lifestyle choices, personal quirks and what’s hot.
Several demographic shifts in recent years intensify the gender bias, according to J. Walker Smith, president of Yankelovich Partners in Charlotte, N.C.:
More young people postpone marriage and live as singles, which has spurred builders to cater to their idiosyncrasies;
More single women buy homes, thanks to higher incomes than in the past, and they’re not all in downtowns;
More single Baby Boomers want new quarters, not as a precursor to retirement but to embark on new adventures.
In fact, single women buy at twice the rate single men do, second only to married couples. Many single women prefer houses, according to the National Association of Realtors in Chicago.
Other preferences may seem a bit of a cliche, yet ring true. Consider size. Men typically are interested in the “monumentality of space” and desire a large garage or parking spot to house cars, other vehicles and tools, says Ned Cramer, curator of The Chicago Architecture Foundation.
“I love my Toyota 4Runner,” says salesman David Migdal, 27, who was determined to find a loft with indoor parking in the West Loop when he bought his first home. (He did, at 111 S. Morgan St.)
Steven Evans, 45, divorced, is still looking for a townhouse within 20 miles of his bellman’s job at the Fairmont Hotel.
“I want a two-car garage for my car, canoe, moped and storage for toys,” he says.
Chicago designer John Wiltgin had one male client so obsessed about protecting his five cars that he bought contiguous spaces in a garage and walled them off.
Within their homes, many men also think big, and want a space to accommodate a large-screen TV and other gadgets. “Every male client tells me they want this,” says Jennifer Ames, a real estate agent with Coldwell Banker in Chicago.
Gender guru Gray, whose last book is “Truly Mars and Venus” (HarperCollins, $19.95), says this is in keeping with their values. “Men measure their worth by what they’ve accomplished and can buy. Bigger is better and connotes status. They view their home as a base for going out,” he says. “Women favor smaller spaces to create a cozy nest to settle in. Status for them comes from forming relationships.”
Attitudes change with age
As singles age, their choices tend to blur. Men become more interested in nesting than they were and women feel less tied down and seek more maintenance-free living, says Mollie Carmichael, vice president of strategic marketing for Pulte Homes, based in Bloomfield Hills, Mich.
There are also elements that everyone wants — a fireplace, vaulted ceiling, skylights, second bathroom on the first level of a two-story house, and main bathroom with separate shower and tub (women care more about a fancy tub), says Mary Zentz, a real estate agent with Re/Max Suburban in Arlington Heights.
Following are more differences; experts caution that exceptions exist:
Making a purchase: The sexes approach the process differently. Women are more eager to buy, while men are content to rent longer, says Marta Borsanyi, a principal at The Concord Group, a research advisory group based in Newport Beach, Calif. And, once women start to look they share more information with their agents than men do, treating them almost like a shrink, says Sarah Machmouchi with eRealty.com’s Chicago office.
Men work faster in making the purchase, while women tend to look at a possibility multiple times because of the strong emotional hook they seek, Borsanyi says.
Both genders are interested in value, but they do so differently. Women stick closer to a budget, says Fred Carmean, a real estate agent with Coldwell Banker in Chicago. But, if they feel a strong tug, they may spend more, Borsanyi says. Men are more aggressive in negotiating a “good deal,” says Roger Lautt, an agent with Re/Max Exclusive Properties in Chicago.
As interest rates fell, Ronald Shepherd, 60 and divorced, decided to buy after he found it would be less expensive than renting. The 1,200-square-foot attached home at Montgomery Crossings in far west suburban Montgomery he selected also offered more for the money than area houses and was larger than townhouses in his $150,000 price range.
Location: Men seem torn. Some venture beyond their allotted boundaries for a bargain while others put a high priority on a prestigious address that suggests success, says Chicago designer David Kaufman.
Women put security at the top of their list, which translates in various ways to heavily trafficked locations, a low crime rate, a gated community, an attached garage or a building with a doorman, buzzer, camera or on an upper floor. Women prefer to live in areas where ages mingle so people are home “24/7,” Borsanyi says.
Take Lena Dukic. She bought a condo in the Gold Coast three years ago with her sister. “We wanted a doorman and parking because we’re single women. We were willing to give up other things to get it,” says Dukic, 29, a marketing manager for a manufacturer of cooking systems.
Single women also want to live in areas where they can socialize, even if it means schmoozing with a cleaner or butcher around the block. As a result, more buy in areas previously targeted at families — suburban neighborhoods and planned communities, says Jacinta McCann, a landscape architect, whose San Francisco company EDAW Inc. designs master plans.
Dacia Jones considered this when she bought a ranch in Arlington Heights. She had been renting in the northwest suburb. “I had come to love my neighbors,” she says. She also liked being able to garden when she’s not traveling as national sales manger of a food manufacturer.
Looks vs. status: Choices made within a home also reflect gender differences. Besides wanting to nest, women care about aesthetics. High on their wish list: windows, light and quality appliances for entertaining, says architect Stella Koop with RTKL Associates Inc. in Chicago.
Men care less about looks but want their rooms to allow them to unwind and relax with friends, Carmichael says. They also favor certain products and materials for the status they connote, to men and members of the opposite sex. The best pick-up line today may be, “Come and see my stainless,” says homeowner Migdal. “You’ve got to have stainless today to get a girl.” If that won’t do it, he has granite counters and hardwood floors.
Number and size of rooms: Singles of either gender want extra bedrooms for a home office and guest room and an extra bathroom. They also want living spaces that open to one another. Women want some part of that space to work for dining; Jones required that it be large enough to accommodate a big dining room set.
In keeping with their desire for size, men care about a room’s square footage; women focus on whether a layout works for furnishings, Carmichael says.
New York architect Joel Sanders, who has focused on bachelors’ quarters, plans spaces more in tune with the single male lifestyle than a traditional family’s layout. “They don’t always need separate public and private spaces. I’ve tried to discourage them from `kitchen envy’ when they don’t cook and suggest they make that space serve multiple purposes — for dining and working,” he says
Amenities: Besides seeking space for a big TV and a big garage, men want high-speed Internet access; wiring to control security, lighting and music; and a communal laundry if they’re in a condominium for socializing. Most men don’t care about outdoor space except to barbecue, says Evanston landscape architect Douglas Hoerr.
At the top of a woman’s list after security are a nice bathroom with soaking tub and dressing area, their own laundry, garden and walk-in closet. “Women measure to be sure there’s enough storage; men don’t,” Carmichael says.
Reworking spaces: Buyers of all ages prefer houses in move-in condition, but women are more willing to spend to improve conditions, says Elizabeth Ballis, a real estate agent with Coldwell Banker in Chicago.
Example: Though happy with her Arlington Heights ranch, Jones plans to add a second level with third bedroom and second bathroom and to remodel the kitchen.
Moving on: Men care about making a smart investment for the short term. “They think about the immediate future and getting involved with someone else,” says Elio Buoni, market director for e.Realty.com. That could cause them to want to sell and relocate, he adds. Women long to stay put. Says Gray: “Home is their security blanket.”
