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Turduckens and tofurkeys will adorn many tables this holiday season as alternatives to plain old turkey. The turducken is a Frankensteinian combination of a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken. The tofurkey, often shaped in the silhouette of a real gobbler, is a meatless concoction of tofu and wheat gluten that passes muster even with those persnickety vegans. We smell a turkoff.

CATEGORY: COOKING TIME

Winner: Turducken. Good things come to those who wait.

Turducken: 12 to 13 hours

Tofurkey: 2 hours if not pre-cooked

CATEGORY: COSTS

Winner: Tofurkey, unless turducken can do your taxes too.

Turducken: 50 TO $125

Tofurkey: $7 to $40

CATEGORY: TASTE TEST

Winner: Uh, turducken.

Turducken: A trifecta of barnyard goodness.

Tofurkey: Described as “a combination of overcooked turkey and dirt.”

CATEGORY: STAR POWER

Winner: Tofurkey. It was a “Miss Match” from the start.

Turducken: “Monday Night Football’s” John Madden makes

turducken a Thanksgiving tradition.

Tofurkey: Alicia Silverstone clucked on and on about tofurkey on “Conan O’Brien.”

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Edited by RedEye staff (ritaredeye@tribune.com)