In reading Kerrie Kennedy’s plea to the Fab Five (“A harried mom’s plea to the `Queer Eye’ gang,” Nov. 19) for a straight mom’s makeover, I heard the echoes of complaints that are all too common. A specific conversation with a friend came to mind, in response to my asking how her Mother’s Day was. She regaled me with the story too typical of many holidays: Her kids came home from college and her mother-in-law came to town, and after cleaning the house for the company, she whipped up a feast, served up a beautiful meal, then got to bed late after cleaning up. “Mary,” I asked her gently, “wasn’t it supposed to be your day too?” I know this might be the scenario for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but Mother’s Day of all days?!
There has been such a long-standing cultural assumption about what is “woman’s work” that sometimes it takes an absurdity like being exhausted Monday morning after working Mother’s Day to realize that there’s something ridiculous going on.
Why, even though some of my friends grew up attending ERA rallies with their moms, I’ve watched “Queer Eye” and heard comments like “My gosh–look at that place! I mean, last episode was a bachelor pad, but how could this guy’s wife let the house get so trashed?” Like it’s OK, even maybe understood, that a single guy’s house is going to have his wardrobe strewn about the floor alongside old pizza boxes, but if that house is shared by a woman?! And although neither my husband nor I are the world’s greatest housekeeper, I think that if company comes over and the house isn’t up to par, it reflects badly on me, not him.
One thing that I see as a fantastic benefit of the “Queer Eye” makeovers is reinforcement of subverting the 1950s housewife mentality. In every episode, Ted teaches the straight guy that yes, he can actually cook something delicious for his wife. Thom transforms the house into something so fabulous that it gives the guy incentive to keep it looking great. Carson picks out hip clothes that the guy really doesn’t want to toss on the floor. Kyan makes him see that women, too, appreciate it when the guy cares about his appearance. And when Jai teaches the guy to dance, he emphasizes the ultimate goal of this transformation: doing for her. If she likes to dance, you can learn the latest steps to impress her, but if she’s too overloaded with work and the house and the kids, she’s either not going to have the time or the energy to get out of the house and get down.
I see in the Fab Five hope that brings that gender-equality utopia a little more within our view. Though many men didn’t grow up seeing men cook, take care of the house, and take care of the women in their lives, we can turn on the TV and see men doing just that every week. And while I heartily agree that the women deserve makeovers themselves, it serves them well that the “Queer Eye” guys are doing their thing. To paraphrase to old adage, give a woman a makeover and she’s queen for a day–give a man a makeover and he’ll treat her like a queen for life.
Melanie Taylor, Chicago
Aging with grace
I tend to ignore this section of the Tribune, but I was very pleasantly surprised with last week’s section (“Better with time,” Dec. 3). So much so that I read almost every column. Before this I have almost always been disappointed with the subject matter entirely. But this day my interest was piqued and I could almost identify with all the women who were highlighted, they were such good examples of aging with grace in spite of less than “priviledged” youth. What beauty they all reflected! Please continue with this high-quality reporting, inspiring us all to become better persons. We need to know how to struggle without bitterness, learn to take care of ourselves and others with more kindness. Take the “high road” with more humility and love.
Miriam Nelson, Chicago
