Dear Abby: My mom has not been herself ever since her boyfriend beat her. For example, we were baking a cake. I accidentally bumped into her and she got really mad. We used to just laugh about things like that.
As a matter of fact, she doesn’t laugh at all anymore.
I miss the mom who would play games with me or blast up the music when we were in the car. She used to dance with me, or make me soup and crackers even when I wasn’t sick. All my friends thought she was the coolest, and they wished their moms were like her.
Now she’s caught up with her boyfriend and college and never has time for me. We don’t talk and she doesn’t dance with me anymore. I miss her so much. What can I do?
— Feels Like An Orphan
Dear Feels: It’s time to talk to your mother. No one has a right to raise a hand in anger against another person, and that includes her abusive boyfriend. She needs to know about the help that’s available from the Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233. I hope your mother sees the light, and that you get your loving, fun-filled parent back soon.
Dear Abby: Four years ago, my 68-year-old mother-in-law, “Gladys,” moved into our home with us. Now I don’t know how much longer I can take living in the same house with her. I have a full-time job, plus all the household duties to take care of when I get home. Gladys doesn’t lift a finger to help, and does nothing but complain about how bad she feels day in and day out.
Please give me some advice.
— Too Much To Handle In Illinois
Dear Too Much: With three adults living under the same roof, there is no reason why you have been stuck with “all the household duties” — assuming Gladys is in reasonably good health. I don’t know if your mother-in-law is depressed or if complaining is her way of communicating.
So have a frank discussion with your husband. Marital or family counseling may be in order. Gladys may be no spring chicken, but she isn’t over the hill. She should have some friends and a social life of her own. It’s possible that all of you might be happier if Gladys moved to an independent living complex.
Dear Abby: My friend “Delia” died recently, causing a lot of people to be very upset. Friends have called, sobbing hysterically. I haven’t shed a tear. Could it be because I refuse to believe it? Or that I don’t really care?
— Scared In California
Dear Scared: People react to trauma in different ways. I doubt your friend’s death has “not affected you at all.” More likely, you’re numb.
Grief is an individual process. Some people cry. Others carry around a load of anxiety. Still others “postpone” the grieving until they can handle it. Everyone grieves in his or her own way.
