To Decorate or Not To Decorate: It’s a question experts say can be a snag for childless couples and singles living on their own, away from family.
Last year, with the holidays full of trips to visit family, decorating was “a hassle we didn’t need,” said 29-year-old Marisa Jacquet, who lives with her boyfriend in Niskayuna, N.Y. The urge was there, but reality — including the money required to “populate a whole tree” with ornaments — didn’t leave room, she said.
For Debra Firestone, this Christmas will see a scaled-down celebration at the Lansingburgh home she shares with her poodles, Trevor and (a very pregnant) Gracie.
“I’m just going to do my mantle, and put up a wreath,” said Firestone, 47, adding that this is the first year she’ll skip big-time tree trimming. “I really don’t have the time to spend on taking care of a tree. I’m not home enough to enjoy it, and it’s a lot of work, putting it up and taking it down.”
Why skip it?
For others, not decorating is less a thing of conscious omission than a deliberate adaptation of tradition.
Newlywed Silandara Bartlett, 26, said she plans to fashion a “low-key, low-stress” season by pledging not to decorate this year and, instead, donate all the money she’ll save to her new church.
“This will be my first Christmas with Kevin, my husband, and the first that I don’t plan on making a big deal out of,” said Bartlett, who lives in Rochester and plans to spend the holiday visiting family and crocheting gifts for loved ones. “Instead, it’s going to be about spending time together.”
For those whose practical decision to skip the frills is underscored by disappointment, however, psychologist Barbara Fiese cautions some forethought may be in order.
“The reason that some of these rituals are important is that they provide you with a sense of connection, in that you belong to a group larger than yourself,” said Fiese, psychology professor and chair of the department of psychology at Syracuse University. “There are emotional, effective connections, with symbolism, with growing up, with certain kinds of food that take you back and let you remember, or with Christmas ornaments passed down through the generations.”
And, Fiese said, there doesn’t have to be a “next generation” for this connection to the past, and to past comforts, to have its place in real-time moods.
“If I don’t do something [to decorate], I know I’ll get depressed,” Firestone said.
Flexibility is good
When it comes to couples, Fiese pointed out that a 1999 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who practiced rituals connected with religious celebrations are closer and more satisfied with their relationship. (“Of course,” Fiese added, “we don’t know what comes first — if you already have a relatively satisfactory relationship, or do these rituals actually promote better relationships?”)
Regardless, she suggests those on the fence about decorating try to pinpoint the symbols that sum up the holiday for them, and decide which ones they can’t live without.
“What would you miss, and what would you really dread?” she asked. “Sometimes, there’s a feeling that these things are imposed on you. We found that the more flexible these things are, the more satisfying they are.”
More often than not, though, the decision to dress down isn’t a permanent one. A change in finances and free time can put tradition back on track, as it did for Jacquet.
“We’re slowly working up to a tree. It’s a long process to go from not decorating to decorating everything,” said Jacquet, who plans to put up some lights, a wreath and other holiday trinkets this season. “It reminds me of youth, it puts us in the Christmas spirit, takes us out of the everyday mundane.
“It isn’t Christmas without decorating.”
