Difficult to celebrate the holiday when you can’t help but feel that one lousy foul ball is all that stood in the way of being able to redeem the ticket for Aisle 430, Row 8, Seat 5, Game 4 of the Cubs World Series.
Best way to relieve those pangs of self-pity is to focus instead on the automotive industry and the year that was in 2003.
Talk about foul balls!
Consider:
– Billionaire investor Kirk Kerkorian said because the “merged” Chrysler and Daimler would be called DaimlerChrysler; and not ChryslerDaimler and because co-chairman Juergen Schrempp of Daimler, not co-chairman Bob Eaton of Chrysler, would have final say on any tie votes; and because the Chrysler cafeteria dropped hot dogs and apple pie in favor of bratwurst and strudel, he had no idea Daimler acquired Chrysler rather than the two joining as equals. So he sued D/C asking for an apology–and 1 billion in dollars, not euros.
– Ford Motor Co. spared no expense to celebrate its 100th anniversary as an automaker. It set up thousands of bleachers in a field near corporate headquarters in Dearborn, Mich., to treat folks visiting from around the world to a concert–only to watch the bleachers sink into the mud as torrential rains forced the concert to be cancelled. However, disappointed guests were given rain checks to the 200-year birthday party.
– General Motors formed a new Buick/Pontiac/GMC division and put Chevrolet general manager Kurt Ritter in charge. Ritter responded by leaving GM and joining Toyota’s advertising agency, Saatchi & Saatchi. GM responded by objecting to Saatchi & Saatchi’s hiring of Ritter, so the ad agency let him go. Ritter responded by forming his own consulting company, with only one client, Toyota Motor Sales.
– Chrysler paid $14 million to songstress Celine Dion to promote the Chrysler lineup in the next three years in an attempt to attract more male buyers age 18 to 34. However, Chrysler found Dion was more prominent than the cars in the ads and the only person impressed was Kerkorian, 86, and so Chrysler dumped her.
– Since hiring a big-name, high-priced talent such as Dion didn’t work, Dodge figured why not simply put a couple of young males in a men’s room to promote its new Durango sport-utility vehicle with a discussion of size.
– After finding that the only two people on the planet who didn’t object to the ad were the two guys paid to be in the ad, Dodge opts instead to sponsor the “Lingerie Bowl,” a football game featuring 14 scantily clad models to air on pay-per-view during halftime of the Super Bowl.
– After finding that the only two people on the planet who don’t object to Dodge promoting near-naked woman to sell its cars and trucks are the two guys from the urinal ad, Dodge backed off as a sponsor, saying 18- to 34-year-olds attracted to the “game” might watch the women models rather than the sheet metal models.
– Kerkorian didn’t sue Chrysler over the Lingerie Bowl.
– A federal court ruled that, while the seven-slotted grille on the Hummer H2 looks very much like the seven-slotted grilled on every Jeep made the last couple of decades, Jeep doesn’t have rights to the grille. Jeep responded by unveiling a new concept called the Rescue with a seven-slotted grille and a body that looks almost exactly like a Hummer H2.
– Lincoln refuses to respond to rumors that though its last attempt at a full-size pickup, the 2001 Lincoln Blackwood, failed miserably with sales of less than 4,000 units in roughly two years, it will try again with another luxury pickup off the Ford F-150, which cynics are dubbing the deja vu II.
– After centuries of the Chinese using bicycles for basic transportation, GM says it will build cars there to make the populace more mobile. The cars? Cadillacs, of course.
– Chevrolet says it will replace its subcompact compact Cavalier with a larger compact called Cobalt for the ’05 model year.
– Buick says it will replace its midsize Regal with a redesigned sedan called LaCrosse for ’05, though it won’t be called LaCrosse in Canada because that word is slang among French-speaking teens for masturbation.
– Ford says it will produce 10 new vehicles carrying Ford, Mercury and Lincoln nameplates in the next three years, all derived from the same platform as the Mazda6 sedan from the Japanese automaker in which Ford owns an equity interest.
– One of the future vehicles will not, however, be the Ford Thunderbird, which the automaker brought back in retro form in 2002. Ford now says, oops, forgot to tell you, it will be built only through 2005 before disappearing.
– General Motors says people don’t like the term minivans so it will call its new lineup for 2005 crossover sport vans, or CSVs. And, just to be safe, the CSVs will look like sport-utes, not minivans.
– The U.S. government releases a study that says lightweight cars and trucks are less safe in crashes than heavyweight cars and trucks. The government also says it won’t sponsor the Lingerie Bowl either.
– Dieter Zetsche, president and chief executive of Chrysler Group, rolls out a bevy of upcoming models to dealers and the media to convince both parties that Chrysler Group has a future. Among those vehicles? A 15-inch longer Jeep Wrangler.
– Hummer says in addition to the huge H2 sport-ute, it will offer a huge H2 sport-utility truck. But to keep tree-huggers from going ballistic, it has come up with an economy-size H3 concept destined for production, probably in ’06.
– Anti-SUV crusader Arianna Huffington joins 10,000 other mopes in a run against SUV advocate and Hummer enthusiast Arnold Schwarzenegger for governor of California. Arianna finishes 10,000th.
In far less controversial, but no less notable, news:
– Toyota brings out the next-generation gas/electric Prius with a fuel-economy rating of 60 m.p.g. city/51 m.p.g. highway, and a price tag of less than $20,000.
– Volkswagen produces its last original Beetle in Mexico, a car last sold in the U.S. in 1977 coupe form and 1979 as a convertible.
– Chevy says it will sell a retro wagon slightly larger than a PT Cruiser called the HHR in the 2006 model year. It will feature the styling of the 1949 Suburban.
– Acura kills its slow-selling CL coupe.
– Dodge kills plans to add a midsize Dakota M80 pickup to the lineup.
– Saab says it will expand its lineup in July with an all-wheel-drive 9-2X hatchback derived from the Subaru WRX and a version of Chevy TrailBlazer sport-ute in ’05.
– Ford sells the first of its upcoming exotic GT sports cars–for $557,500 at a charity auction–and hires noted racer/car developer Carroll Shelby, 80, to help it come up with high-performance models.
– Infiniti says it will offer a full-size sport-ute called the QX56 built off the full-size Nissan Titan pickup as an ’05 model.
Finally:
– Finbarr O’Neill, former boss of Hyundai, leaves to become chief executive of Mitsubishi replacing Pierre Gagnon, who left to pursue other interests.
– Wayne Cherry retires as head of design for GM and is replaced by Ed Welburn.
– Elena Ford, 37, cousin of Ford Chairman Bill Ford, is promoted from director of business strategy for international operations to director of product marketing for Ford division.
– And Jason Vines, former head of public relations for Ford in the Jacques Nasser regime, is named head of public relations for Chrysler Group.
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Hear Jim Mateja on WBBM Newsradio 780 at 6:22 p.m. Wednesdays and 11:20 a.m. Sundays.
