Downey’s Eleven:
1. Look, all these assistants sound OK, but don’t the Bears ever hire a head coach who has been an NFL head coach someplace else?
Dick Jauron, no. Dave Wannstedt, no. Mike Ditka, no. Neill Armstrong, no. Jack Pardee, no. Abe Gibron, no. Jim Dooley, no.
Wow, talk about employers who believe in: “No Previous Experience Necessary.”
Is this a coincidence, or do the Bears think any guy with a pro head-coaching background would arrive with too much baggage?
I’m trying to figure out who their last one was: Paddy Driscoll, maybe? He had coached the Chicago Cardinals.
This must be George Halas Syndrome. After all, he never had coached any other team either.
2. Jim Fassel might or might not be a good man for the Bears, but I can assure you of this much: He’s a good man.
In 2001, Frank Palombo, a New York firefighter and father of 10, was killed in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Fassel didn’t know him. But the Giants coach immediately formed a foundation to make sure all the firefighter’s kids can go to college. Heroism comes in many forms.
3. Hey, wouldn’t Dennis Green blend in nicely with the team’s rainbow coalition of Mike Brown, Bobby Gray, Alex Brown, Dez White and Mike Green?
4. I am so crazy about the name of that Kansas City Chiefs defensive end, R-Kal Truluck. I bet when the Trulucks were leafing through a book of baby names, “R-Kal” must have struck them instantly as the right one. By a shocking coincidence, my father and grandfather were both named R-Kal.
5. So, do you think a new Bears defensive coach would care that Keith Traylor, a starting tackle, made 14 solo tackles all year and didn’t sack a quarterback once? Or that the great Mike Brown intercepted two passes in 16 games? Or that seven different guys from Kansas City alone–including R-Kal–got more sacks in 2003 than Brian Urlacher did? (Just curious.)
6. The two great collapses of 2003: Saddam Hussein’s statue and the Minnesota Vikings.
7. Speaking of swooning, I heard about New York Yankees boss George Steinbrenner having a fainting spell last week. What happened? Did somebody show him what he spent on a losing team? Did that big bully Pedro Martinez threaten to throw George to the ground? This is the first time I have seen the Yankees choke and faint in the same year.
8. David Wells will pitch for the San Diego Padres next season at PETCO Park. They are going to need a larger cage.
9. Did you hear how Shaquille O’Neal missed a practice because his back hurt but didn’t call the Lakers because he was in too much pain to go look up the team’s phone number? Shaq hadn’t memorized it. He said: “We, as humans, only use 8 percent of our craniums. Why fill it up with nonessential things?” Duh, yeah, like the number for directory assistance?
10. The other 92 percent of O’Neal’s skull is This Space For Rent. I bet when the news broke last week that ephedra had been banned, Shaq probably wondered which team this Ephedra guy played for.
11. Michigan coach Lloyd Carr says sorry, but he simply can’t go against the coaching association’s policy and vote for Southern California as college football’s No. 1 team. Carr, who is 58 and has a master’s degree in education, once had a mind of his own, but then he became a football coach.
