Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. Last week we went “ring shopping.” He even tried on a wedding band. I assumed he was going to ask me over the holidays but he didn’t. In fact he told me that he does not have a date in mind at all right now. He said point blank, “What’s the rush?”
Do you think that once a couple has gone shopping for rings (even though we did not buy them) that there should be a certain time limit that should be followed in proposing marriage or could I just be overanalyzing the day at the mall?
— High Hopes
Dear High: According to rules established in 1996 by the Institute of Anxious Girlfriends, the time limit between the first ring try-on and a proper proposal is exactly two months. The anxiety meter tends to go haywire in the weeks preceding Valentine’s Day.
Do you see how silly this is? Talk to him! He might tell you that while you thought he was trying on wedding bands, he thought he was auditioning for the part of Frodo in your community theater’s production of “Lord of the Rings.”
If you want to get married, tell him. Marriage is too important to accommodate your proposal fantasy and should involve many discussions between the two of you as equal participants. The first issue you need to discuss is, “What’s the rush?”
Dear Amy: I received a call from my aunt saying that she had mistakenly mailed my cousin’s Christmas gift to me. She asked if I’d mind re-addressing the package, which was coming UPS, so that my cousin would get it in time for Christmas. “Of course,” I said. The package arrived, was re-addressed and UPS was contacted to pick it up.
I routinely leave packages out on our porch for UPS pickup. UPS routinely leaves packages for me on our porch. There has never been any problem. This time, the package was stolen from the porch before UPS arrived to pick it up. (I found the empty box in back of our place later that day.)
There are many differing opinions about just what should be done. Some say it’s my aunt’s fault, and that she should take care of replacing the item. Still others say I should offer to pay for half the gift and let her pay for the other half. Still others want more information — is my aunt poor? Is she an aunt I’m particularly fond of? Is she old/feeble? I say none of this matters, that I should tell her what happened and what I want to do to make things right. Then she can decide to accept or reject or partially accept my offer — whatever she wants. What do you say?
— Worried
Dear Worried: I say that while you’re playing pollster, soliciting opinions about what is a fairly simple matter, there’s a porch robber afoot in your community, possibly stealing rocking chairs and geraniums (or worse) from your friends and neighbors. You also have a gift-less cousin and an innocent bystander aunt to think of.
Call UPS. Even if they can’t do much about it at this point, they need to know about this crime — it might be part of a pattern. Then call your aunt and explain what happened. Tell her you feel awful. Ask her if there is a way you can help make things right. She might be upset because you wasted so much time running this scenario past your pals instead of speaking to her right away.
Your aunt might tell you that the item was insured and replaceable. She might ask you to call your cousin to explain what happened. Or she might say that the box contained her homemade fruitcake, in which case you can rest assured that you’ll probably see it again.
Fruitcake has a way of resurfacing. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Dear Amy: Every week I volunteer at a local homeless shelter baby-sitting the kids for a couple of hours. There is one other volunteer there who is a bit flirtatious. He flirts with me and I have made it known that I do not want his attentions, but he continues anyway. A good friend of mine who also volunteers recently told me that she is attracted to him and has been for some time. Is there any way I can avert his attentions towards her?
— Helpless
Dear Helpless: You can hope this guy is an equal opportunity flirt, so you could try standing behind your friend while he is in midflirt. Otherwise, make a very straightforward introduction in the order of: “Harry, this is Monica. Monica, this is Harry. Hey, did you know you’re both Capricorns and love taking long walks in the rain?”
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Ask Amy appears Mondays through Fridays in Tempo, Saturdays in the Weekend section and Sundays in Q. Readers may send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Previous Ask Amy columns are available at Amy Dickinson’s Web site, Chicagotribune.com/amy.
