In an argument to settle almost no other argument, an Illinois alumnus enjoys the on-court domination while a recent Wildcat struggles to resist the dark side of ‘that’s all right, that’s OK …’
It’s hard to talk trash when your school has won just 28 percent of its games against its archrival, but our Leo Ebersole (Northwestern 2002) is a gamer. That’s pretty much all they have in Evanston. No worries, Chris Malcolm (Illinois 1990) is on board. He’s rested and not likely to be distracted by any mention of the Final Four, ’89 or Michigan. Sean Higgins? Now that’s low.
After a little prodding, a little nudging and a few direct orders, these two staged a pregame battle of wits on the subject of the Wildcats vs. the Illini before the teams meet for the 150th time tonight.
The rules were thus: a 25-word limit per volley (the judges were loose on this one), alternate possession and no timeouts. Leo won the coin toss but elected to defer (He hopes to coach the Lions someday). Chris opens–and closes–the debate. Did he win? Let’s go to the tape.
Chris: Leo, couldn’t help but notice the 10-3 Fighting Illini play the something-and-something Wildcats on Wednesday. I think it’s great that Illinois plays all the in-state schools, even Division III ones like Northwestern. You going? It’s at NU so I’m sure tickets are available.
Leo: Chris, I’ll admit you guys have the edge, particularly with Bill Self calling the game. What a motivator. Loyal, too. Hey, just make sure Luther Head’s not driving the team bus so the mighty Illini make it to the arena on time.
Chris: Ah, the Red Herring defense. Bill Carmody loves overachieving scrappers. Hey, why is it that Duke (approximate undergraduate enrollment 6,000) dominates college basketball while Northwestern (approximate enrollment 9,000) barely dominates Evanston’s playgrounds?
Leo: A better question: Why does NU routinely mow the grass with Duke’s facemasks in football? Pretty soon Duke’s entire roster will be in Evanston anyway. Consider Michael Thompson a pioneer. Say, how did the Illini’s football team do this past season?
Chris: Stay on topic. And instead of sending this to my SPAM folder,
I will point out that Illinois leads the buckets series by a narrow margin, just 116-33. Maybe Carmody can turn around his 0-5 streak against the Illini. And maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.
Leo: Your personal life is your business. OK, Wildcat basketball hasn’t exactly been a juggernaut, but not all of us can recruit Charlie Villanueva. What an outstanding freshman. Loyal, too. Carmody upset plenty of prima donna teams at Princeton. We’ll see what goes down Wednesday.
Chris: How do you know what a “personal life” is? You spent four years at NU. And is that you humming the theme to “Hoosiers” from your cubicle? Actually, I love hoops because any team can beat any other team. I mean, just look at how UIC beat your Cats 90-71 and then how the Illini beat UIC 75-60 just 10 days later. Hey, on any given night …
Leo: How do you know how to count? You spent four years at Illinois. Now, before my NU arrogance gets the best of me, I’ll tip my cap to the Illini for beating some quality, classy teams and hanging tough against UNC on the road. That said, I see a fold job in the round of 32 this March. See you at the game. But don’t bring any of your old “Orange Mush” buddies.
Chris: I get it. It’s the “Little Brother Syndrome.” The Childcats want a rivalry with Illinois, and Illini fans are too busy focusing on bringing harm to Michigan. (I still have scars from the ’89 Final Four, something you can’t comprehend. No, it’s not like losing the Motor City Bowl.) Let’s agree to disagree and just both dump on the Wolverines. Also, you drive to the game, I’ll buy food. Call in sick. They’ll never know.
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Tonight
Illinois at Northwestern, 7 p.m., WCIU-Ch. 26
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Edited by Michael Kellams (mkellams@tribune.com) and Chris Courtney (cdcourtney@tribune.com)
